Bucket List
by TheWritingMonster
Summary: James knew that she didn't have long to live, so he made a promise that he'd make every day the best day of her life. James/OC James Centric, OC Centric. Now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

A James/OC fic that I decided to write, some may feel that this is inspired from the book (movie) _A Walk To Remember_, it's not rather I saw a post on Tumblr that gave me this idea. Anyway this story is centered around James and Gwen's friendship and love and how James will stop at nothing to make everyday the best day Gwen has until her very last day on earth. This will be a very sad, emotional story, I honestly cried writing the last bit of this chapter, and during my brainstorming process I cried then too. So I hope you all enjoy (or something). Leave me comments when you're done reading.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, or 'The Bucket List'**

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_**-3 years earlier-**_

"I'm sorry Mr. & Mrs. Blake, but from the MRI, CAT scan and other tests it seems that your daughter's tumor is in operable," the doctor said sadly clutching onto the girl's test results. "There are some medications and treatments that she can take, but there isn't much that we can do other than ease her pain."

The couple sat their as the doctor finished giving their daughter an inescapable death sentence.

"How long will she have?" Mrs. Blake asked tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"3 years, give or take a few months," the doctor sighed, he honestly wished he had better news to give the family.

Mr. Blake didn't say a word as his wife bust into tears, her body shaking with sobs. The only thing he could do was hold onto her and let her tears soak his shoulder, he didn't care if his jacket was ruined; his baby girl was going to die.

_**-1 year later-**_

"Hey James… do you know what I want to do?" a petite mocha skin girl asked her tall hazel eyed best friend as they lay next to each other on her bed.

"What?" he asked turning his head to get a better look at her.

"I want to make a bucket list… so that when I die, I won't have any regrets," she replied staring at the ceiling with a contemplative expression.

The sandy haired boy frowned, then bit his lip as he stared at his best friend. He didn't like hearing her talk about death, despite how inevitable it was. But he knew that if she wanted to make every second of the last years of her life count, then as her best friend he'd help her.

And he'd make sure that before she died, she knew how much he'd always love her.

"Want me to help you write it… I'll even help you finish the list if you want," he said taking hold of her hand, a smile drew itself on his face when her fingers tightly twisted against his.

She turned her head, a small smile on her lips as she gazed into the boy's beautiful eyes.

"I'd like that, thanks James," She said gratefully, she leaned towards him and kissed his cheek gently. "It'll be like that movie 'The Bucket List' with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, only…"

She didn't finish the obvious thought, rather she moved closer to James resting her head on his chest. A part of her didn't want to make a bucket list, but a larger part of her knew that she needed to make the list. There was something she _really_ needed to put on there.

"Hey, Jamie… do you want to watch a movie?" she asked rolling onto the tall boy her face centimeters from his.

"What movie?"

"Tuck Everlasting"

"No pick something else."

"Why?"

"Because, every time you watch that movie, you end up crying."

"But I it's my favorite… please James?"

"Oh fine," he sighed reluctantly.

"Yay, I'll make the popcorn," she said getting off the bed quickly and pulled her friend off her bed.

"Whoa, warn me next time you want to go all incredible hulk on me," he replied giving her a teasing smile.

In reply she giggled and gave him a playful punch in the arm. Turning away from him, she walked out of her room, James following close behind her; a small smile painted on his face.

_**-Present-**_

James stared at his best friend who cuddled up against him as they sat first class on plane to L.A. He knew that going to L.A. was on her list and even if everyone didn't think it was a good idea for him to take her with him (they didn't think cliff diving was a good idea, but they did that anyway), he still would have taken her with him.

"Hey, she's still sleeping?" Logan asked tapping the taller boy on the shoulder.

"Yeah, she can cross L.A. off her list now," he answered the young genius, a soft smile on his face.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're in love with her," the other said with a smirk and a slight raise of his brow.

"That might be true," James said looking back to the sleeping girl whose arms was wrapped tightly around his waist.

"You should tell her," Logan advised his expression serious.

"I should, but-

"There's no buts about this James, you've got to tell her, before it's too late," he interrupted looking at his friend solemnly. "You can't wait… she has to know."

"You're right, I'll tell her, just not yet," he said looking back to the sleeping girl and rubbed her cheek gently. "I just… I love her a lot you know."

"Tell her, before… you know."

"Don't worry I will, I promise."

"James you don't have to carry me to my room you know," Gwen said sleepily resting her head against the boy's shoulder.

"You're really tired, and I don't want you exerting yourself more than you have to," he said giving her a piggy back ride to her room that she was sharing with Katie.

"This is sad, you're turning into my mother Jamie," she pouted as he managed to open the door to her new room and set her gently down on the bed then sat down next to her.

"I'm just making sure that you're okay, I don't want you getting sicker," he said whispering the past part.

"Hey, don't you worry that pretty fluffy head about me, you're going to be famous Jamie," she replied brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "This isn't about me, I'm just glad you wanted me to be here."

Words couldn't come out of his mouth in reply, so he did the next best thing, he pulled her into a tight hug. He also didn't want her to see the tears that were threatening to leave his eyes.

"If you cry Jamie, I'm gonna cry too," she whispered hugging him tightly.

"I'm not crying, I just don't know how to say what I want to right now," he replied still holding onto her.

"That's okay… oh and thanks James, you're such a great friend," she said softly giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

"You're welcome Gwen," he said kissing the top of her head gently, he'd make sure that as long as they were here each day would be amazing all for her.

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**So what do you think? Leave me a review and expect and update soon. xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**2nd chapter, finally here. Now I wrote this chapter out of order and I honestly couldn't find a way to make it all any less choppy so forgive me (All line breaks within the chapter are to indicate scene changes FYI). I hope the relationship between James and Gwen isn't too sappy, if so please let me know. Anyway please read the chapter and let me know what you think please.**

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Gwen read over her script, her hazel eyes soaking in the words for the part she had an audition for. It was her second audition but instead it was for a recurrent TV role and she wanted it to go perfectly. Glancing at her watch she exhaled deeply pushing all her nerves from her body, stuffed the script into her bag, opened the door of hers and Katie's room and walked down the hall to the living room.

As she stepped out into the living room with a confident yet nervous smile on her face, she looked to the couch to see Carlos and James playing videogames and eating pie as usual.

"Wish me luck you guys, Today I have another audition," she said excitedly her smile widening.

"Awesome, I hope you get it," Carlos replied enthusiastically giving her a quick smile as he turned back to the TV screen.

"How about I go with you for support?" James suggested throwing his controller onto Carlos and getting up from the couch.

"Sure, that'd be great," she replied grabbing onto the tall boy's hand and pulled him out of the apartment.

Carlos chuckled at Gwen and James' antics as he switched the game to single player mode.

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"Don't worry you're going to be fine," James told Gwen soothingly as they stepped from the elevator into the lobby of the Palm Woods.

"I know, but there aren't many parts that I actually want and this one is practically perfect," she replied with a soft sigh and slight pout as she pulled the script from he bag.

"What are you auditioning for anyway?" he asked looking at the script in her hand with curious eyes.

"This new show called Burned it's about a girl who's a serial killer and her father's a cop investigating her crimes, I'm auditioning to be her sister," Gwen said handing the scrip to her curious friend.

"That sounds really intense, now I see why you're so worried," he replied with wide eyes as he looked over the script.

"Oh, well that makes me feel better," she said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes taking the script from him.

"Hey that doesn't mean that you won't get the part," he said giving her a reassuring smile and squeezing her hand for emphasis.

"Thanks, and at least I'll be able to cross acting off my list," she replied as the two of them walked past the pool area and out of the Palm woods.

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Jo smiled when she saw Gwen and James walking hand in hand past the pool where she was sitting with Kendall.

"Jo… Jo, are you listening?" Kendall said to his girlfriend pulling her out of her daze.

"I was just thinking about Gwen and James," she said giving Kendall her full attention.

"Oh really, what were you thinking?" he asked curiously since Jo never talked about Gwen or James much.

"I was just thinking that they have one of the cutest relationships I've seen, they're just perfect for each other and don't even notice," she said sincerely taking a sip of her blue berry smoothie.

"Yeah, they've been friends the longest out of all of us and since her diagnosis their friendship got even stronger," Kendall replied picking up the pink smoothie in front of him and swirling the beverage around.

"I think he's in love with her… the way he looks at her makes it pretty obvious."

"He is in love with her, and I'm positive she's in love with him."

"We someone should nudge them together."

"Nah, James has that all planned, he told us a while back."

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Gwen walked out of the casting office with a pout on face and sighed loudly. James stood up from his chair and immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Hey don't feel bad, there will always be other parts you can try for," he said hugging her tightly.

"Oh I got a part… I got the lead, they made the girl they picked for the lead take my part," she replied with a huff and crossed her arms over her chest.

"And why is that a bad thing?" James asked perplexed and amused.

"Because I wanted to play the side kick type character, but I guess I'm too much of an "Alpha-female" to be a side kick," she grumbled as they walked out of the studio.

"Well… that's true, but you got a part and the lead at that, which means we should celebrate anyway."

"You're right, and we celebrate by getting Taco Bell and watch a bunch of movies," she suggested with a smile.

"Well I was going to say that we throw a party and eat pie, but your way is good too," James said with a grin as they made there way back to the Palm Woods.

"We can always eat pie after Taco Bell James," she laughed softly wrapping her arms around James' and hugging him tightly. "Oh and I have to tell mom, she'll be excited too."

Gwen rested her head against James' muscled chest as he had his long arms wrapped tightly around her petite body; her eyes were half lidded as the two of them lay on the couch watching the 5th movie in their all night movie marathon. The remains of their food lay scattered on the top of the coffee table looking almost like a tiny land fill.

A soft yawn left lips, sleep was pulling her in deeper and James rubbing her back wasn't helping to stay awake at the moment.

"Jamie… stop rubbing my back," she whined softly another yawn leaving her mouth.

"But why," he replied childishly as he buried his face into her thick curly hair.

"Because I'm getting sleepy and you're making it worse," she said a louder yawn erupting from her throat and then buried her fact into the tall boy's broad chest.

The sandy haired boy laughed softly, sending vibrations through the petite girl's body sending her into a tiny fit of giggles. The sound of her laughter drew a wide grin onto his tan face. A comfortable moment of silence fell between them as they continued to watch the movie.

But there was an annoying thought in the back of Gwen's mind that usually she'd push away but now, she had to say something.

"James… don't you think, that it's a little scary…" she said her voice trailing off quietly as she chewed on her lip to fight the tears about to cover her eyes.

"What's scary?" he asked looking down at his best friend with a worried expression.

"That we won't always… always get to do this," she replied with a slight sniff, fresh tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"To be honest, it's not scary… it's terrifying," he answered honestly doing his best to swallow the growing lump in his throat. "But I want every moment with you to be better than… I just want you to always have a reason to smile."

James quickly wiped the tear the left his eyes and did his best not to snuff as the thought of losing Gwen raced from its constant spot at the back of his mind. He didn't want to think about it now, but it was something that he wouldn't be able to avoid.

"So when _that_ happens… that last moment, I want you smile Jamie… promise me," she said lifting, herself off his chest and looking deeply into his hazel eyes.

"I always smile when I'm around you," he replied with a sad yet sincere smile on his face.

"I know, but promise me that you'll be okay… please," she begged him earnestly as she managed to slip one of her hands into his.

"I'll try, for you," he answered with a small smile pulling her against his chest into another tight embrace.

He honestly wanted to cry, but he knew he couldn't with her in his arms. Yet the fact that her life was getting closer to ending just as her dreams were coming true made his heart ache terribly in his chest.

"You're not crying are you Jamie?" she asked softly breaking him from his thoughts and reached up to touch his face.

"I'm trying not to," he replied grabbing her hand and placed a soft kiss on her wrist. "I'm trying so hard."

"You're the perfect best friend James," she said with a sincere smile and leaned up to kiss his forehead softly.

"Thanks, but you'll _always_ be better," he replied with a wide grin on his face placing a gently kiss to her cheek. "_Always_."

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**I'll update this story soon. So please leave a review. xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

_This chapter, I wanted James to just blurt out his feelings but I ended up writing something different, there will be a scene however where he does confess to Gwen. I really want to focus on the build of their relationship and what not. Enjoy the chapter._

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James stood in front of the stove in the kitchen flipping pancakes on a skillet and whistling to himself softly. The sandy haired boy almost didn't notice that it was 9:00am as he began to cook bacon in another pan.

"James…are you cooking, and not burning anything?" Gwen asked in a sleepy voice as she shuffled next to James and leaned against him.

"Hey I know how to cook, I just don't like don't like doing it for everyone," he replied blushing lightly as she wrapped her arms around his waist, yawned loudly and buried her face into his side.

"But you don't wake up early… ever," she yawned again letting go of the taller boy and sat down at the table.

"Is it so wrong to want to make a change?" the sandy haired boy questioned setting a glass or orange juice in front of her.

"No it's just… we don't have orange juice…did you squeeze this yourself?" the petite girl inquired her eyes suddenly wide and alert.

"Yeah so?" he shrugged turning away from her to hide the blush to his cheeks.

"Did you break something?" she said eyeing him suspiciously as he placed a steaming plate of pancakes, bacon, hash browns and scrambled eggs in front of her.

"I didn't break anything, I just wanted to be nice," he replied sincerely handing her a fork and knife as he set down the bottles of syrup and ketchup.

"Oh… if you say so Jaime," she conceded digging into her breakfast ruthlessly.

"And everyone says I'm a messy eater," he chuckled leaning over to wipe the hash brown flecks off her face.

Gwen simply shrugged and went back to eating her food as a sleepy Logan stumbled from down the hall.

"I smell food… Did you make breakfast Gwen?" the raven-haired boy asked rubbing the sleep grit from his eyes.

"No, James cooked and it's good," she replied after swallowing a large gulp of orange juice.

"James…James Diamond cooked and it's not burnt…. What did you break?" the fair skinned boy questioned suddenly alert and very suspicious.

"Is it so bad that I want to be nice?" James huffed, turning away from the stove and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well…" the brunette began giving the other male in the room a knowing smile as Gwen snorted loudly.

"Hey!" the taller protested as the rest of apartment 2J's occupants poured into the dining area.

"Oh breakfast," Carlos said happily a tired smile on his face as he snatched the plate James was holding in his hand.

"James cooked," Logan informed sitting down with his own plate of food and fresh squeezed orange juice.

"He did? Where'd the orange juice come from?" Mrs. Knight asked with a raised brow as she gave James an appraising look.

"He squeezed himself, I personally think James broke something," Gwen commented getting up from the table putting her empty plate into the sink.

"I didn't break anything!" James protested not caring that his voice cracked slightly as he huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Relax, I'm kidding… kind of, but thanks for breakfast," the chocolate girl said giving him a grateful smile as she walked back down the hall to her room.

"You know James… you're actually a good cook," Katie commented after taking a gulp of orange juice.

"Thanks… I guess," he replied as he sat with everyone else to eat slightly depressed that Gwen didn't notice what he was trying to do.

"Don't worry bro, she'll catch on," Kendall said with a reassuring smile.

The hazel eyed boy only sighed as he stabbed his pancakes with his fork as Gwen came back past the dining area fully dressed with a thick script in her hand.

"I'm off to work, bye guys!" she chirped giving them all a quick wave and grabbed for the door.

"Bye!" they called after her as she left the apartment.

Gwen sat down in the hair and makeup trailer reading her script over for the second time, she was excited and nervous. It was her first official day of filming and she tried her hardest to keep herself from jumping out of her skin.

"So is this your first time getting a part on TV?" the blond woman curling her hair asked as she fluffed it lightly.

"My second, but it's the first role I've booked that was recurring and not a guest role," Gwen replied with a nervous smile her leg bouncing lightly.

"Well don't worry, just relax I saw some of the boys casted for this episode and they are cute," the hair stylist said with a sly wink that made the girl laugh, her nerves vanishing from her body.

"Gwen Pressley," a man with a clipboard and a headset called as he stuck his head into trailer. "We're ready for you."

"Okay I'll be there," she replied getting up from the chair.

"Good luck honey," the older woman said to her giving her a quick hug before she left the trailer.

Gwen stuffed her script into her bag as she followed the man to the set; she was already running the lines for her first scene through her head over and over. As she set her bag onto a chair with her name on the back, she noted that her nerves were gone and even as the director called action, she still felt utterly calm.

"I wonder how Gwen's first day is going." James said as they all squeezed out of the sound booth.

"Probably a lot better than ours," Logan remarked with a heavy sigh rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hey, I actually had nothing to do with that," Kendall said defensively crossing his arms across his chest.

"You had everything to do with it dummy," Carlos interjected giving the blond a light punch in the arm.

"Did not!" he huffed pushing the shorter boy lightly.

"Did too!" the shorter pushing back both having wide grins on their faces.

"Are you two going to kiss now or…?" Logan said with a roll of his eyes and a raised brow as he watched the two "argue".

"No… Carlos and I aren't like that?" Kendall said Carlos nodding his head in agreement.

"Oh really now; so why'd Carlos want to switch rooms with me so bad?" the raven haired boy questioned smugly.

"Because James snores you pervert!" Carlos yelled about to pounce on the other brunette who now had a face splitting grin on his face.

"So you say," he jeered sticking his tongue out at the Latin boy.

"Shut up Logan!" both boys yelled and began to chase the nerd down the hall of Rocque Records.

James watched the chase, confused and amused by his friends behavior. Normally he would have egged Logan on, but he was too consumed with thoughts of Gwen.

'_I've got to find a way to let her know…'_ he thought with a heavy sigh as he sat down on the white couch in the foyer as his friends shouted and chased after each other, Logan still screaming obscenities at Kendall and Carlos.

Rolling his eyes he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and grinned to see that Gwen had texted him.

'_First day filming was awesome; could you pick me up at 5:15?'- Gwen_

'_Hey I was just about to text you, glad that your day was great and I'll come get you.'- James_

'_So how are you guys doing over there? Did Kendall get you guys in trouble?'- Gwen_

'_Always, now he and Carlos are chasing Logan… but it's quiet, they may have killed him.'- James_

'_Lmao, I don't even want to know what's going on'- Gwen_

'_I think it's best if you didn't, Kelly says Gustavo wants us back in the studio. ttyl.'- James_

'_Okay cool, see ya later bye 3' –Gwen_

James grinned as he stuffed his phone into his pocket and stood up from the couch. He looked up in time to see Logan rushing to hide behind him as Carlos and Kendall rushed over glaring at the nerd who still had a smirk on his face.

"Admit it! You two are secretly in love, the denial will only make it worse," he said his smirk widening as the two became flustered.

"Would you all just shut up? Besides Kelly says that Gustavo wants us to do some more vocals," James said trying to dissipate the situation before the large man would come and yell at the more.

"Fine," the three grumbled as they trudged back into the recording booth.

"And they say I'm immature," he sighed shaking his head as he walked behind his friends.

Gwen slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder as she made her way out of the studio. Her first day on set had gone great and director was more than happy with her performance. All the compliments given to her by her cast members also made her energy even higher than it was to begin with.

"Hey Gwen," a familiar male voice called from behind causing her to turn to face the source of the voice.

"Oh hi Ryan," she smiled at the blond boy politely confused by him wanting to speak to her.

"I was just wondering if you'd like to come to the movies with me?" he asked with a sly grin on his face, his eyes bore into her and internally she shivered at his stare.

"I would if I could, but I've already got plans to hang with some friends," she said doing her best to not shiver noticeably from his stare.

His eyes had so much lust and hunger in them it was almost animalistic, it was terrifying and Gwen would much rather be far, far away from Ryan at the moment.

"Gwen, there you are," James' voice brought her from her thoughts as a sense of relief washed over her.

"Hi James," she said running to him and jumping unexpectedly into his arms all too happy to see the sandy haired boy. 'I'm so glad you're here.'

"Is that you're boyfriend?" Ryan asked obvious jealousy and anger bleeding from his vivid blue eyes.

"No, this is James he's my best friend, he's in a band called Big Time Rush," she replied holding onto his hand tightly gaining back her confidence.

"Oh… well I guess I'll see you on set tomorrow," the blond said reluctantly as he turned and walked off in the opposite direction.

Gwen sighed in relief as the boy walked away, 15 minutes ago he was nice, but then turns out to be a creep.

'Why do I attract all the creeps?' she thought turning back to face her best friend.

"Did that guy try to do anything to you?" James asked his voice thick with worry but his eyes held anger.

"No, he just asked me out… he was really creepy," she said shivering thinking of the look in Ryan's eyes.

"Well you just make sure you stay away from him, okay?" he said pulling her into his muscular arms and kissed the top of her head tenderly.

"Okay," she replied biting her lip and smiling at him as she pulled away from him.

"Good, now let's go home, it's your turn to make dinner anyway," he said giving her a grin his eyes still swirling with jealousy.

"I'd thought you'd be making dinner after you made an entire gourmet breakfast," she joked as they walked back to the Palm Woods their hands clasped tightly together.

As they walked together Gwen couldn't help but notice how protective James always ways whenever another guy creeper or not had an interest in her. Biting her lip she wondered, hoped that it meant that maybe James thought about her more than just a friend.

'I hope I can tell him though, before I die,' she thought giving him an idle smile as they walked through the door of the Palm Woods together.

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**Next update will come soon, please leave a review! xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

_As I promised this chapter is where some drama really happens. And Gwen's condition is actually similar to the one my uncle had and will continue in it's similarity with the end which I've changed. Anyway I hope you all enjoy the chapter, the next update will be soon. _

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Gwen's head pounded ruthlessly as she woke up, her entire frame shaking as she struggled to get herself out of bed. The minute her feet touched the floor dizziness washed over her like a tidal wave.

"Ugh…God, I can't get sick not now, it'll just make everything worse," she muttered to herself as she got up from her bed

She then made the challenge to shuffle out of her shared room with out waking the 10 year old girl sleeping soundly across from her. She learned quite quickly that the young girl was a light sleeper who could be awoken by the slightest of sounds. "Maybe if I eat something I'll feel better."

She made her way to the kitchen making sure to stay close to the wall as her legs wobbled like a pair of wet noodles. As she got closer she could see that the lights in the kitchen and dining area were turned on illuminating half of the apartment.

"Why is it so bright?" she grumbled to herself now standing a few feet away from the dining table, wincing from the brightness.

"Gwen, you're up I made… are you okay?" James uttered catching sight of the girl his eyes full of delight, but became full of concern as he took in her wobbly stance.

"I'm fine, just a little headache," she replied denied the pounding headache still assaulting her brain, the nausea agitated the unruly seas of stomach acid in her stomach, punching its walls in anger, threatening to escape any means it could.

"You look like you're going…you don't look good," the brunette argued walking over to her, pulling her close and placing his hand on her chocolate skin, feeling her perspiration beneath his fingers. "I think you should go back to bed, Kendall's mom can-

"No I have to go to work, it's only been a week since filming, and I can't call in sick," she interrupted a determined look taking over her pained countenance. "I'm sure it's nothing. I just need something to eat."

"If you say so Gwen… just call me if -" he replied reluctantly as he led her to the table. His eyes still full of worry.

"I promise I'll call you if it gets bad," she replied catching the smell of bacon, pancakes and eggs.

"I made you breakfast again," he said going to the counter picked up her plate.

He noticed the curious look on her face as he set her breakfast and orange juice before her.

"I just want you to have a good breakfast is all," he replied with a sheepish smile as a pink blush bloomed across his cheeks.

"You're always good to me, Thanks Jamie," she grabbed a hold of his large hand and squeezing it tightly.

"You're welcome," he said simply giving her a gentle kiss on the side of her face.

She grinned despite the raging headache and the dizziness, and started eating her breakfast slowly to not provoke the nausea at the pit of her gut. The punching bag in her stomach settled down after she ate, but her headache was still there pounding away against her skull.

"Are you sure you're okay?" James noticing her wince slightly as she stood from the table.

"Yeah, I told you I'm find Jamie, don't worry about me," she gave him a convincing smile as she managed to walk to the bathroom.

She wobbled slightly, her head pounding with each step she took. She could feel the brunette's concerned gaze on her and she could only hope that he was worrying over what would turn out to be nothing.

Gwen clutched her script in her hands feeling her palms sweat against the paper. She sighed trying to pace herself as she sat down at her usual spot on the hair and makeup trailer, the dizziness from the morning washing over her like a tidal wave.

"Honey, are you alright?" the blonde hairstylist asked gently her eyes full of concern looking to the petite girl who was sniffling and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I'm fine Loraine, It's just a bad headache," Gwen admitted and winced at the pain raging inside her skull.

"Do you need an Advil, I've got some in my purse I can give you," the older woman questioned gently rubbing the girl's back.

"Sure, I didn't have any aspirin at home," she replied gratefully as the older woman removed the small pill bottle from her large bag and then handed her two red pills.

"I hope these help as fast as they do for me," the hairdresser said watching the girl dry swallow the Advil.

"Me too, thanks Loraine," she sighed managing a small smile as she left for the set.

The pounding pain in her head had ceased for the rest of the time she was on set. She felt great like she could slay a giant, but the minute the director said "cut" the stress of the rigid hours of filming had caught back up to her, and her body was returning the "favor".

"Dammit, maybe I should have stayed home," she gasped as her headache came back full force, her legs felt weak as she tried to walk back to her dressing room with little success.

"Gwen, are you okay, you look like you want to puke," Ryan asked with concern as he watched the girl clutch her head and grimace.

"Yeah… I'm fine-

Her own sentence was cut short when her legs collapsed underneath her, her vision went blurry, then black, as the pain in her head beat like nails being driven into her skull.

* * *

"Carlos, stop cheating!" Logan yelled at the shorter boy as the two sat in front of their wide screen TV playing videogames.

"I'm not cheating, you're just a sore loser," the other replied cheekily a victorious grin on his face.

Mrs. Knight walked into the living room the house phone attached to her ear as she worriedly grabbed her bag and keys from the coffee table around the two arguing teens.

"Alright, I'll be down at the hospital to see how she's doing, yes… thank you for calling, goodbye," she said sighing loudly and hanging up the phone.

"What happened?" Logan asked taking in their guardian's worry and her anxiety.

"Gwen fainted on set and they took her to the hospital. Do you boys want to come with me?" she rushed to the door. The boys followed after.

"Yeah, we want to come, and we have to bring James he's been worried about her all day."

"Hey where are you guys going?" James asked curiously as he was about to head back into apartment 2J and noticed the worried look on Mrs. Knight's face as they nearly rushed past him in their hurry. "Is something wrong?"

"I got a call from Gwen's boss," Mrs. Knight explained. "She fainted on set and they had to take her to the hospital. We're going to see her now," she replied looking to the hazel eyed boy easily seeing his worry and concern growing in his hazel eyes. "I'm sure she's fine James. If you want to come with-"

"Of course I don't just want to. I have to," he said, feeling tears sprang to the corners of his eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have let her leave this morning."

"Okay can we go make sure Gwen's okay now?" Carlos yelped getting the group's attention from James.

They pulled up at the hospital, all four of them rushing down the hall of the emergency wing and all of them clamoring around the nurses' station begging one of the nurses behind the nurse's station for Gwen's room number.

"And just who are all of you?" the head nurse asked rudely with a glare.

"Listen lady you need to get that stick out of your ass and tell us where Gwen Pressley is now, for all we know she could be- we have to see her now!" James yelled viciously making the nurse flinch under his glare.

"She's in room 503," came the quite miffed reply.

James was the first one to burst into the room and he immediately wished he hadn't. There lying in a hospital bed with wires connected to her small body who thankfully was still breathing as large monitors beeped around her. The brunette felt tears fall from his eyes as he rushed to her side grabbing hold of her small hand and ignored the doctor standing on the other side of the bed.

"Is she… is she okay?" he stumbled over his words as the tears clogged his throat.

"I'm sorry young man, but you can't be in here unless-

"It's fine, I'm their and his guardian," Mrs. Knight interrupted the doctor politely as she stepped into the room. "Can you tell us how she's doing, please?

"Well, it seems that her previous condition has worsened," the doctor said the wrinkles around his eyes increasing with news frowning as he looked at the teenage girl. "The tumor had been growing for awhile and adding extra pressure on her brain causing the headaches and dizziness; we were able to stop the growth and were able to stabilize her."

The doctor replied looking over her chart and to the teenage boy who was desperately trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. "We'll give her a prescription to keep the swelling down and she can be released tomorrow, it's a good thing it's not cancer."

"Is she going to die?" James asked softly gently stroking her hair away from her face.

The doctor looked at the teary eyed boy and sighed tremendously his body seeming to sag at the question; he didn't want to have to tell the distraught teen who he could tell was clearly in love with the girl lying unconscious whose hand he held onto desperately.

"We can't tell as for sure, but I would estimate that she has another few months left," he replied reluctantly.

"A few months," the three teenagers said as Mrs. Knight gasped and all looked to the girl quietly breathing in the metal bed.

"Could be more, or it could be less," the doctor said looking to the group sadly. "If you'll excuse me."

"I'll go with you and make sure her other paperwork is in order," Mrs. Knight said knowing that James would want to be alone with Gwen.

"James, she's going to be okay," Logan said softly not sure if he should try to put his hand on the boy's shoulder in a comforting gesture, the brunette seemed extremely tense and unpredictable.

"I- I can't lose you now," he gasped out, the lump in his throat making it harder to breathe, he sniffed his eyes blurry with tears as he looked at Gwen's sleeping face. "Please wake up Gwen… I love you."

"She'll wake up bro, and she'll give you a big hug, just wait," Carlos said doing his best to be positive for the taller boy.

"God, I hope you're right… I- She hasn't even finished her list yet," he replied sniffing and wiping a stray tear from his eye. "Could you guys give me a minute, I'll call you if she wakes up."

"Yeah sure, Carlos let's go to the cafeteria, I'm sure you're hungry," Logan said nodding to James and dragged the helmet wearing boy out the room.

He sighed loudly resting his head against Gwen's shoulder squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to stop the sob that was begging to erupt from his throat. He gulped down the lump in his esophagus letting his warm breath wash over her shoulder and brush against her jaw.

"Please Gwen, you've got to wake up- please?" he whispered into her ear softly and pressed his lips to her forehead softly.

He settled his nose into her shoulder breathing heavily and squeezing onto her hand, his heart hammering painfully in his chest. Before he could let go of her hand he felt her grip his hand and a hushed intake of breath.

"James… where am I?" her voice rasping and winced as it cracked from the dryness.

"You're in the hospital sweetie, they said you fainted at work… and the doctor says-" he paused as the tears came back stinging his eyes and streaking down his flushed cheeks.

"Don't cry Jaime, just tell me what the doctor said," she inquired gently as she managed to move her left arm to run her fingers across his perfect face gently.

"He said that the tumor got bigger and it was pressing on your brain, they're giving you medicine to stop the swelling but- but" he choked on the last part his tears drowning his words.

"Jaime, it's okay, it'll be okay," Gwen whispered desperately trying to calm her best friend down as she slowly managed to turn on her side and cup his cheek after slipping her hand from his. "It doesn't seem like it, but we'll be okay."

"But how can you know? You're dying Gwen, and I won't be able to live with that!" he croaked his voice cracking as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I don't know, but no matter how dark the moment, hope and love are always possible," she replied kissing him right between the eyes. "We just have to have hope Jamie."

"But what if that isn't enough?" he wanted to believe her, but he was still terrified for what he thought was her inevitable future.

"Then we'll always have love," she answered managing to give him a sincere smile as she ran her fingers through his hair that had a strand out of place.

He returned the smile, taking hold of her left hand and pressing his lips against her palm. He would have let the words he was all too eager to say tumble out of his mouth, but Logan and Carlos stumbling back into the room back from the cafeteria and ruined the moment. They all gathered around Gwen's bed, excited to see her awake and stumbling over their words and called Mrs. Knight and the doctor to check Gwen.

'_I'll tell her tomorrow when she comes home,_' he promised himself as he gave the girl another kiss on the side of here head before the doctor shooed them out of the room.

"Bye Gwen," they all said in unison, James lingering in the room, obviously uncomfortable with leaving her.

"Bye guys, and don't worry about me, I'll be fine," she whispered waving at them but looked directly at James who gave her a final pained smile before he finally left the room. "At least I hope I will be," she mumbled under her breath as the door closed behind them.

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**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please leave me some reviews! xoxo **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN**: Once again I'm sorry for now updating any sooner. But I'll be back to a more frequent updating schedule. Well the angst stays in this chapter and lingers in the end. The ending will be a happy surprise, so don't get too upset. So leave me your thoughts, comments, critiques and questions when done reading. Update will come soon.

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James' entire body pricked with nerves as he sat _(bounced)_ on the florescent orange couch in apartment 2J. He was all too eager to greet Gwen home from her stay at the hospital.

"James would you stop bouncing, you're shaking the couch," Logan whined next to him as he looked to the taller with an annoyed expression on his face.

"I'm really excited, Gwen's coming from the hospital," the other replied with a wide grin and bounced off the couch.

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were in love with Gwen," the nerd smirked when the taller boy whirled around with a wide eyed expression. "I'm quite amazed that she hasn't figured it out herself."

"She's been busy with work, she's got more important things to worry about," his voice full of sadness taking the moment to look to the floor. Tears filmed his eyes at the thought of Gwen having to make more trips to the hospital.

"I know that, but you heard what that doctor said, you need to tell her, before it's too late," the shorter advised getting up from the couch to pull his friend into a side hug.

"But what if-

"No buts, you're on borrowed time, her time, just tell Gwen already," he cut James off with a stern look then left the brunette to think over his words.

James let his reply sit heavily on his tongue, he knew that Logan was right, he needed to gather his courage and let the feelings he'd been harboring for Gwen tumble out of his mouth.

Gwen slid into the passenger seat of Mrs. Knight's rental car, her new prescriptions in her bag and the doctor's words replaying in her head like a broken record.

"_You only have a few months at most," he neglected to look into her eyes as he spoke to her. The sorrow in her eyes would have crushed his heart to dust. "I'm surprised at how long you've lived with this condition."_

"_Isn't there something, something that you can do?" her voice wasn't desperate which surprised; to her own ears she sounded weak and small._

_The doctor looked up to her finally, his eyes almost matching her amount of grief. His shoulders sagged as a heavy sigh left his lips; it looked more like he was talking to his own child instead of a patient he barely knew._

"_At the moment, no, there isn't anything more we can do," he answered putting his large hand to her shoulder in a comforting gesture. "But I'll be looking around to see if there is a specialist who can help you."_

At the time she could only nod as a lump grew in her throat, even though she'd told James to stay positive, the young actress was now finding it difficult to follow her own advice.

"How are you feeling?" Mrs. Knight's voice brought her out of her muddled thoughts and back to her painful reality.

"Over all, I'm tired, and right now, I feel like I've already lost," she sighed loudly, her head pressing against the cool surface of passenger window.

Her heart lurched in her chest when the older woman next to her took a hold of her hand giving it a tight comforting squeeze.

"You haven't lost yet, and you won't," Jen looked to the younger with a sad smile, she could only imagine how her parents would feel about losing their daughter; Gwen's own emotions were a little harder for her to grasp a hold of.

"It seems like the world is falling onto my head, before today I wasn't scared, but now-

Tears swallowed her words back down her esophagus; her shoulders slumped forward letting all her emotions bubble forth. Letting go of Gwen's hand her guardian drove the car to the side of the road put it in park and pulled the petite girl into her arms tightly.

"I know you've heard this a million times, but you've got to be strong," she softly told the crying girl in her arms, her hand rubbed soothing circles into the girl's back as her sobs ebbed away. "And not for your parents, me, Katie, James or any of the boys; you have to do this for yourself."

"That sounds hard," Gwen sighed, her eyes focused to her lap after Mrs. Knight pulled away from her. "I don't- I don't think I can be that strong."

"Trust me when I say this honey, you're stronger than you know."

"I hope you're right."

Pulling away from the curb, Jen gave the teen another comforting squeeze of the hand as she got back onto the road. Even though her fears were squelched for the moment, there was still the matter of James and the next of emotions waiting to hatch the second she caught sight of him with those beautiful hazel eyes of his.

'_Just stay strong Gwen, stay strong,'_ she chanted the words to herself letting them chill her nerves like an ice pack.

The drive back to the Palm Woods seemed to last forever making the knot in her gut twist like a knife. She didn't want to stand in the same room as her best friend and pretend that everything was going to be okay.

'I'm an actress, pretending is what I do best,' she exhaled deeply as she stepped out of the now parked car.

She would be strong, even if she didn't have a clue how.

"So did the doctors say anything different?" James inquired as he held onto Gwen as if she'd vanish.

"Just to take my prescription twice a day," she buried her face into his muscular chest taking full advantage of the warmth he engulfed her in.

"Anything else important?" he let go of her and stepped away slightly to study her expression.

"He said he'd look for a specialist, but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up," she only admitted to a small part of the hurricane of emotions swirling inside her head.

James kept silent for a few moments; he could tell that his normally feisty best friend was starting to really feel the weight of her situation more than she had before. _So much for being positive._

"But we've got to have hope, well you need it a lot more than I do," he finally said pulling her back into his arms.

"I'm going to need a lot more than hope this time."

She didn't mean to sound so pessimistic, but every negative emotion seemed to be attacking her brain, and without mercy. And she wanted more than anything to put a smile on her face as if nothing weighed her heart down. Slipping out of his tender embrace, Gwen sat down on her bed feeling as if her body weighed a thousand pounds.

"I just don't know if I can keep doing this James," an unexpected tear trickled warm against her cheek and splashed against her jean covered thighs.

Quickly she wiped the tears from her eyes, the last thing she needed was James seeing her cry over what seemed her imminent death sentence.

"Of course you can Gwen," the bed dipped as it cradled his weight and sat next to her, not waiting for an invitation he pulled her into his arms more to comfort her than himself this time. "Everything feels like its falling apart right now, but things will get better, you'll see."

A soft laugh escaped her lips, taking a moment she buried her face into the brunette's muscular shoulder and inhaled his familiar musk. The odor of his body always seemed to calm her down, unknown to him, he was her favorite smell.

"What is it?" he looked at her with a confused expression when she moved away off his shoulder.

"Just yesterday I was telling you the same thing," a sad smile swept over have face as she took James' hand into her own.

"But it's true, one day soon a doctor out there may be able to help you," he kissed her temple to punctuate his statement hoping to sound more sure than he felt.

"I hope so, I wouldn't know what to do if something didn't come along," she stood up from her bed, the warmth of James' long arms leaving her. "Hey let's go watch a movie."

"Sure, anything you want," a real smile tugged easily at the corners of his mouth as he stood up from her bed. "What movie do you want to see?"

"Captain America, I heard it's amazing!" she replied pulling onto his hand and laughed at the expression on his face.

"You just want to see it so you can drool over that Chris Evans guy," he whined feeling that familiar twist of jealousy contouring against his gut.

"Is someone jealous?" she teased a smirk curling on her lips.

Rolling his eyes, he ignored the question and let the shorter pull him down the hall, the mass of emotions in his stomach building the more she laughed. Logan's words came back to him, stirring the feelings in his gut even more. Biting his lip he slipped his hand from hers, his eyes looking heavily to the floor. It was now or _**never**_.

"Hey, what's wrong? I was just-

"Gwen, I know it's your last year, and I don't want… I don't want you to go before I tell you… tell you…," he choked on his words as he tried to gather his racing thoughts together.

She looked at him with worried eyes as she led him to the couch sat him down and squeezed his hand.

"Tell me what Jamie?" she asked softly as she gently wiped a tear from his cheek, he seemed surprised by his own tears and wiped them away hurriedly.

"I wanted to tell you… that I love you, I love you Gwen," he sighed heavily then turned to look her deeply into her hazel eyes. "I love you so much, and it hurts that I can't be with you… and I just…just-"

"I love you too James," tears of joy falling from her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him, a soft laugh escaped his mouth as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "And we can be together, maybe not for a long time, but…"

She squeezed him tightly then pulled away slightly looking into his bright eyes lovingly and pressed her lips against his softly, eagerly the brunette kissed her back pulling her into his lap and then letting one of his hands twist into her hair.

This had to be one of the happiest and saddest moments of his life, he had her all to himself, he wouldn't be able to spend the rest of his life with her, but at least he didn't wait till it was too late.

They broke apart for air, both resting their foreheads against each others their eyes never leaving each other's gaze. Both smiled pulling each other into another tight hug and into an even more passionate kiss.

"James did you tell…oh… well, I'll leave now," Logan awkwardly said after barging into the apartment.

"I guess we've got to tell everyone the good news," James said reluctantly pulling away from his new girlfriend.

"I suppose so," she replied giggling softly placing a quick kiss between his eyes. "Then after we can have our first official date."

"Sounds good to me," he grinned as they both got off the couch walking hand in hand as they left the apartment.

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**So leave a review, the update to this story will come soon. xoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN**: A sweet chapter to make up for the angst of the last one, but I warn you the new chapter will be a little more depressing. I wanted to make this chapter show how the relationship between James and Gwen hasn't changed much since the two of them started dating, but you'll see more changes in later chapters. Oh and James will cry in the next chapter, just to let you all know. So enjoy the chapter and leave some reviews please. _

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Gwen tip-toed of her shared room with Kendall's little sister and carefully crept to the room James and Carlos were currently asleep in. Even though Mrs. Knight have her and the boys (mostly her) a rule of no sharing beds, tonight was the night she picked to break that rule.

"Jamie… James, wake up," she whispered while quietly closing the door behind her.

The soft snores of Carlos startled her slightly when the helmet wearing boy snorted in his sleep, then turned over in his bed snuggling his helmet to his chest. She smiled resisting the urge to giggle at the snoring boy, she creeped towards the bed she was more focused on.

"Jamie, wake up," she shook his shoulder a little rougher than she'd intended, but he was a deep sleeper.

"Mmh, Gwen, what are you doing?" he whined taking a moment to stretch and yawned loudly.

"You sleep like a bear, move over," she pushed him over and laid down next to him. "I miss sleeping with you."

"You what?" he nearly shrieked, his eyes wide, suddenly awake and alert.

"I said I love sl- … you pervert," she hissed poking him directly in his chest roughly. "And shut up or I'll get caught."

The brunette obeyed a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he pulled her closer to his body. But he did feel the same way, he missed having her in his arms while he slept, his face buried in her thich hair, he heart beating in rhythm with his.

"We should do this more often, even if Momms Knight might kill us," he kissed the top of her head softly burying his face into her hair.

The girl in his arms neglected to respond as her breathing slowed and her nuzzled her face against his chest more, a soft mutter left her lips indicating that she'd already fallen asleep. James grinned, yawning he snuggled against her as he too fell back into dream land.

"Gwen… Gwen, wake up! Wake up!"

A soft whine left her lips as she burrowed her way deeper into the comfortor on James' bed. She was far too comfortable to even think about getting up and going to work.

"Come on Gwen, you've got to wake up," James' voice floated into her ears as he gently shoke her awake.

"No, five-teen more minutes," she begged pouting even though her face was covered up by the thick blanket. "I'm too comfy to move."

Looking over to the other male soundly sleeping in his own bed, Carlos was currently clutching his helmet and mumbling incoherent phrases, the brunette shoke his head in amusement at his best friend sleep talk and his girlfriend's refusal to leave his bed when usually it was the other way around.

"I didn't think I'd have to do this, but you leave me no choice," he said softly, as he expected Gwen pulled down the blanket revealing a confused expression on her delicate face.

"What are you talking about?" she yawned and squinted at him suspiciously. "You better not-

Before she could give him a proper threat the tall boy flopped heavily onto his bed, his weight fully pressing her deeper it seemed into the mattress. She groaned trying her best to keep her voice down, her lungs struggling to gain the air compressed out of them, while James buried his face into her shoulder to muffle his laughter.

"You big jerk, get off me," she grunted, feeling a dull ache in her ribcage.

"Are you going to get out of bed?" he kissed some of the exposed skin of her sholder, a soft sigh left her lips as she nodded her head in answer. "Good, besides if you stay in bed any longer you'll be late for work."

"I don't care," she mumbled then shivered when the warm blanket was pulled from her body. "I'm cold."

Gwen didn't want to move, but slowly she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, her feet pressing against the wood floor hesitantly. A heavy sigh left her lips as she pushed herself off the comfortable furniture with each pop of her joints, she wshed that she could disappear back under the blanket with James' arms wrapped tightly around her instead of having to go to work.

"Jeez, you're moving like an old lady," James snickered softly as he watched the girl before him shuffle her feet at snail's pace.

"Shut up, if you carry me, then I won't move so slow," she retorted pressing her groggy body against his built frame.

"Fine, and since you asked so nicely," he picked her up easily cradling her to his chest as he exited his room and made ther way down the hall to the kitchen/dining area. "You sit here while I make you breakfast."

Het set her down on one of the chairs at the dining table and kissed the top of her head gently before going into the kitchen.

"One of these days, I'll make you breakfast again, as a thank you," she muttered letting her head rest against the table. She kept her eyes fixed on her boyfriend's back watching his muscles flexing under the cottong of his white T-Shirt.

"Maybe we can make breakfast together, like we used to," he replied with a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth while he puttered around the small kitchen. He didn't need to turn around to know that Gwen was watching him.

"That'd be nice," she yawned loudly still keeping her eyes on him and subconsioucly licked her lips when his shirt rode up to expose a sliver of tan, toned skin. "Really nice."

She kept her gaze on his form letting her mind wander away from the sight before her. Her eyes glazed over; completely unaware of the look the boy was currently giving her.

"Gwen? Gwen, are you okay?" he set the warm plate of food in front of her and strokes her chek gently to break her tance.

"What? Oh, ugh, I'm fine I was just… thinking," her face flushed with heat as she took a sip of orange juice to avoid his gaze.

"Ah-huh, thinking you say? Because it kind of looked like maybe you were checking me out," he smirked while she still neglected to meet his gaze.

"I don't check you out," she gulped, her eyes getting wide when she realized she'd denied his words too quickly. "Well, not when you notice."

Her skin felt as if it were enuglfed in flames when he loudly laughed at her embarrassement, glaring at him, she did her best to keep her face straight while giving him a stern gaze.

"Hey, don't get all upset, since you're my girlfriend, you can look at me all you want," he grinned and leaned forward to wipe a few crumbs off her cheek. "But, you seem to be doing that anyway."

Rolling her eyes, the petite girl decided against making a reply and went back to eating the last of her breakfast. Wiping her face with her napkin she pushed awa y her now empty plate and finally brought her gaze back to the still smirking boy next to her.

"You know, since today is your day off, I was going to ask you to come to set with me, but I'm starting to think having you there might be a bad idea," she said as she took a long sip of her orange juice while taking in James' wide eyed expression.

"No, I wannn go, please?" he begged lacing his fingers together and pouted at her dramatically. "I promise I'll be good."

"I don't know James, you tend to get yourself into trouble,"she set the glass down, her eyes looking steadily into the orange liquid.

"That's only because of Kendall and Carlos, they're always the ones starting something, please Gwen," he batted his long lashed at her when she finally held his gaze. "I won't break anything, I swear."

"Oh fine, I guess you can come," she smirked getting up from the table and kissed his cheek. "But you better behave."

"Yes, ma'am," he winked a wide grin taking over his face when she reolled her eeyes at him again. "I love you."

"I love you too," a soft smile contoured on her face despite herself.

James sat down in the chair Gwen had pointed him to as she made her way to the set, leaving her script with the brunetter she further advised him to behave himself in the same manner she'd speak to a child. With a shake of his head he assured her for the hundredth time that he'd be on his best behavior before giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

"I'll be fine, now go do your acting thing," he shooed her away playfully waving the script at her before flipping it open and reading it.

She sighed and positioned herself for the scene she'd missed frolm being in the hospital, she'd spent much of her time reassuring the director and producer that she was fine and if something were wrong she'd let them know. She was also glad to find out that there weren't many scenes that she needed to re-film.

'_Now, if I can just stay away from that stupid hospital, I'll be just fine,'_ she bit her lip as the director called cut to reposition one of her co-stars.

"I never knew being a teenaged assassin was such hard work," James commented as he and Gwen walked out of the left hand in hand.

"Oh, were you considering a career change?" she smirked at him which turned into a full grin when he threw his head back and laughed.

"Yeah, I'd been thinking about if for a while. Do you know where I could get an application?" he was glad to see her smiling and joking as if her life wasn't slowly slipping away from her.

"Sure, I might have one in my room," a light peel of laughter left her mouth as the pair continued their way back to the Palm Woods.

"Good, I really hope I can get on board, your job looks like so much fun," he pulled her into an unexpectedly tight embrace as they stood waiting for the light at a crosswalk. Gently moving a few strands of hair from her face, he leaned down to kisss her passionately.

Gwen gasped when their lips parted, her lungs begged for oxygen as he pressed his lipss to her again, but softer as he cupped her cheeks gently. Her hands balled into fists against his T-shirt, heat flushed through the both of them as James pulled away from her, the light on the crosswalk changed, everything seemed to blur together at the edges of her vision; words couldn't seem to stick to her tongue.

"What was that for?" she asked finally finding her voice.

"I don't know, I felt this burning urge to kiss you," he replied with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

"Oh, okay," she blinked at him owlishly a ghost of a smile on her face, her lips still tingling from the feel of his.

'_I- I want to kiss you as much as I can, because I don't know- I don't know when I'll never. No don't think like that James,'_ he quickly chastised himself for his own grim thoughts that never seemed to go away.

They took their time walking through the Palm Woods Park and inspected the new Koi Pond Mr. Bitters put on the grounds. All residents were surprised that the stingy building manager put out the money to have the fish pond built.

"This is really night, surprisingly," James said breaking the comfortable silence between them as they sat below a large nearby tree.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Gwen sighed as she settled in the brunette's lap, his arms snaking around her waist snuggly.

He buried his face into her hair deeply inhaling the fragrant smell of her shampoo. A wave of calm washed over the both of them as they sat by the fish pond, they bother didn't dare to breathe too loudly to disturb the tranquil setting they were in.

"You know what would be really nice?" she whispered breaking the comfortable silence. "If this could last forever."

"It'd be more than nice, it'd be perfect," he replied kissing her neck gently.

Another silence fell between them like a soft fleece blanket, they both knew that they couldn't sit outsideforever, but for the moment they could simply enjoy it.

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**The next update will be coming soon. Leave all your comments, concerns, critiques and reviews please. xoxo**


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN:** Sorry for the long wait, I have lots of other projects that I'm working on. I got a call from my grandma a week ago and the news about my uncle gave me some inspiration for this story, so there are more chapters with more angst to come. Also my other chapter fic called War Paint will be updated on a less frequent basis due to it's lack of popularity. Plus you all should check out my James oneshot called **Sin With A Grin**, I think you'll find it quite interesting. Anyway, enjoy the story. :)_

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"There's barely anything on," James whined as he clicked through the channels as he and Gwen laid on the couch.

"Welcome to the future," Gwen muttered absentmindedly, feeling herself dose off on his chest. "Are you bored James?"

"Yes, there's nothing to do, its raining outside, I don't want my hair to get ruined," he grumbled while the girl lying on top of him laughed.

"Because, you're hair is so very important," she tapped an irregular rhythm on his forearm as her giggles subsided.

Silence fell between the two of them when a TV-movie came on pressing a soft kiss to her head, the brunette held his girlfriend ever closer to his chest.

"Carlos, stop moving so fast!" Kendall yelled as he chased after the shorter who jumped over the couch, easily surprising the pair lying on it.

"Then you'll win," the energetic boy yelled holding his nerf gun close to his body, trusty helmet on and a pair of lime green goggles over his eyes.

"Carlos… would you mind telling me what you and Kendall are doing?" Gwen blinked curiously at the brown eyed boy who dodged back around the couch as the aforementioned blond stalked into the room.

"Prepare to die Carlitos!" Kendall yelled interrupting the other from anwering the posed question.

"Never!" he called to his adversary and launched his own attack upon him.

"I'm on Carlos' side!" Gwen declared rolling out of her boyfriend's grasp and off the couch to duck behind it with the Latino.

"That's not fair, Gwen's got perfect aim," Kendall pouted as James stood next to him.

"Well James has better depth perception than you do," the hyper boy fired back still raising his "weapon" at his enemy.

"Fine, we re-start, first to get hit loses," the green eyed boy nodded, his expression smug and determined.

Gwen and James glared at each other fiercly, their competive nature springing forth like raging bulls. The sudden tension between them burned like lava; making Kendall and Carlos almost reconsider allowing the two into their previous war.

"You cheated!" Kendall accused folding his arms over his chest, James nodding in agreement.

"You're just mad that we won," Gwen smirked at the taller boys; Carlos' expression matched hers perfectly. "If you want, we can always play again."

Normally, Kendall would have taken a challenge like that and pounced on it in the same manner of a lion attacking a Zebra, but Kendall's gut told him to decline the challenge.

"Fine, you win this battle, but it's you and me next time," the blond looked into the short girl's hazel eyes steadily before cracking a smile. "You know, it sucks that I can't actually be mad at you like Iwant to."

"I've always considered that a good thing," she winked at him while tossing the nerf gun to the coffee table.

Kendall simply rolled his eyes, his smile widening despite himself, as the other tall male next to him followed her to her room.

"So, what do we do now?" Carlos asked poking Kendall in the arm as he removed his helmet and goggles.

"Well, it's not raining anymore, so we can go outside now," the other suggested with a shurg of his shoulders.

His arms wrapped tightly around Gwen's body as they lay together on her bed, he rested his chin on the top of her head as he softly sang to her. She sighed as the hushed tones of James' voice filled her head and had her on the edge of falling into dreamland.

"You know, I'm about to fall asleep agan," she mumbled rolling to press her face into his chest. "Let's do something fun."

"What do you want to do?" he tightened his grip on her, making it obvious that he'd much rather stay where they were.

"We could go swim in a giant fountain, or we could go to the mall and do… something," she yawned loudly still battling with herself to heep her eyes open. "I don't want to fall asleep."

"I guess we could do something," he sat up with still in his arms; gently he pushed a few strands of her hair from her face. "You seem more tired than normal… are-

"I'm fine James, I promise, let's just go okay. It's not raining anymore," she smiled tiredly and got up from his lap not wanting to give him anymore cause for concern.

"If you say so," he shrugged still not entirely, but he neglected to press the issue any further.

Getting up from her bed, he took hold of her hand, a smile curling to his lips, she smiled back and tugged him forward out of the room and down the hall. Gwen wanted at least one moment where the constant reminders of medication, doctor's visits and hospital stays were far from the both of their minds.

'_Pretty soon, I'll never have to think about those things ever again…because I'll be dead,'_ she thought grimly, but managed to keep the smile on her face from faltering.

"Gwen, did you remember to take your medication today?" Jennifer Knight inquired sweetly as she set down the casserole pan onto the dinner table carefully.

"Yeah, at breakfast," the teenaged girl replied biting her lip at the sudden pain squeezing her stomach.

The four boys watched Gwen closely as she seved herself some of the food and gave Katie a serving before passing the large spoon to James, he noticed the slight shaking of her fingers. Their eyes met briefly, a question and answered passed between them quickly before anyone else at the table could notice the exchange.

"Have you been feeling okay, any more headaches?" the older woman gently probbed, her eyes were full of concern while the others in the room tried to act as if the conversation didn't have such a grim undertone.

"I'm fine," she muttered keeping her eyes locked onto her plate, the churning in her stomach only getting worse.

She let out a low ragged breathe before carefully lifting a forkful of food to her mouth. Her expression was troubling, it borded on pain to general discomfort as she chewed, but before any questions could leave their mouths; she smiled finally able to mask her pain.

"How's filming Gwen? I saw another script on your nightstand," Katie reached for the older girl's hand, her tiny fingers curled against Gwen's making the war in her stomach quiet slightly.

"Well, I didn't have to shoot today, but yesterday was interesting, they let me do one of my own stunts," she squeezed the smaller girl's hand back grateful for the subject change, a small smile contorting her features easily.

"I never thought they'd find you a stunt double, since you're so tiny," Kendall commented abruptly giving her a playful wink before shoveling food into his mouth in the same manner Carlos was.

"Would you two stop eating like starved lions, you're making a mess," Logan chastised the two who both muttered an apology through half chewed food, the raven haired boy only rolled his eyes at the pair.

Gwen gulped down her food carefully, her vision blurred slightly, her head suddenly seemed to be swimming in glue while her stomach seemed to try to turned itself inside-out. Subconsciously, her hand squeezed the young girl's hand that she still clung to even tighter.

"Gwen?" Katie's voice echoed softly into the older girl's ears as she slipped her hand from Katie's and got up from the table.

Words stuck to her tongue like fresh tar as she moved deliberately to the bathroom, she didn't have to look over her shoulder to know that James was right behind her.

"Do you need any help?" his hands rested on her waist gently, her body standing still before wobbling slightly.

"I'm fine," she lied moving out of his grasp and shut the bathroom door behind her.

"It could be a side effect to the medicine she's been taking," Logan softly said from his spot at the table, everyone else nodded their heads in agreement; their faces were still etched with worry.

"Maybe," he muttered in response, but jumped when the sounds of violent retching came from the bathroom. "Gwen, are you okay? Gwen!"

The retching stopped and was shortly followed by the toilet being flushed, the lock on the door clicked allowing the anxious brunette to enter the tiny room to see Gwen leaning against the toilet, her bright eyes dull and blood clinging to the corner of her mouth.

"You're not okay," he stated simply before she tiredly turned to the sink to wash away the evidence of blood, vomit and stomach acid.

James walked back into the dining room; all were looking at him with questioning eyes and worried countenances.

"There was blood when she puked," he let out a ragged breath before continuing. "I think we should take her back to the hospital."

"I'm not going anywhere," her voice was small, but strong as she leaned against the doorframe for support.

"Gwen, you're obviously not feeling well, you just vomited blood," Logan interjected as he walked over to her and gently placed his palm to her forehead. "Your skin feels like lava."

"No it doesn't, and I'll be fine. I just need to sleep," she gently batted Logan's hand away before shuffling her way to her bedroom.

The tension hung heavily in the room like thick black clouds of smoke after Gwen shut the door to her room. James sighed heavily feeling his shoulders sag with his entire body.

"Hey, we're all worried about her," Logan's hand rested gently against his shoulder, the gesture made him feel heavier than he already way.

"I know, I just wished she wasn't so afraid to say that she isn't okay," he bit his lip, his eyes looking to the floor to avoid the sympathetic look everyone wore.

"I'll go check on her; I think the doctor had given her some other medication she could take," Mrs. Knight said getting up from the table and made her way down the hall.

James followed her into Gwen's room, the sight of her curled into a ball under the blankets made his gut twist painfully as if someone was reaching into his body to pull out his intestines. He stood by uncertainly as his girlfriend shooed away their guardian who gave him look that Logan had given him. _They were just as scared as he was._

"I can stay with you, if you want," he whispered shuffling over to her bed hesitantly.

"Please… stay with me," she exhaled tiredly, her eyes looking to him expectantly. _'I need you.'_

"If you need anything, tell me," he whispered easily slipping under the covers, she immediately pressed her body against his, her head snug under his chin.

"I love you James," she yawned as they both wrapped their arms around each other, sleep pulled her down quickly, the boy holding her soon after, the worries of moments before still rolling around in his mind.

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_**Until the next update please leave a review of your thoughts, comments, concerns and such. xoxoxo**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN:** Sorry, for not updating this story earlier, but I've been doing other things and I've also been lacking in inspiration. Anyway, this chapter focuses on another relationship that will be displayed in this story and that's Gwen's relationship with Logan who loves Gwen like a sister he's always wanted. I wanted to just added to the fact that it isn't only James who cares about Gwen, all of the boys and Katie care about her. Though for the most part I focused on James' feelings for her. I decided to do something different for this chapter. Anyway, hope you all enjoy. Leave me some reviews please. :) _

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**Note: The Story War Paint is on a temporary Hiatus until I feel like writing it again. That is all. **

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Gwen sat in the makeup chair looking idly at her phone while her agent talked to the show's producer and the host about the interview she was getting ready for.

"Are you sure you're okay?" James worriedly asked his girlfriend, he was yearning to run his fingers through her thick hair, but he rested the urge to muse the styled tresses.

"I'm fine Jamie, calm down," she sighs setting her phone onto the counter of the makeup mirror and turned to the distressed boy standing next to her. "Relax baby, please."

She chewed on her lip gently, wondering if it were a good idea to let him tag along with her to her interview. He did after all have other things going on with the band. He should be with his friends, singing songs Gustavo wrote for him, not standing next to her with worry all over his face.

He exhaled heavily, subdued slightly by her calm and gentle tone. "But I can't, your medicine made you sicker and-

"And I'm fine now, those were just side effects," she really wanted him to stop worrying about her so much; he had other things already on his mind.

"But Gwen-

"Look, it's sweet and absolutely adorable how you worry about me, but you can't keep doing this to yourself," she pleaded pulling him closer to her, their eyes never breaking contact. "I love you too much, to let you do that."

"I love you too," he whispered softly leaning down to her and pressed his lips tenderly against hers. His forehead rested against hers softly, his hazel eyes boring into her own. "I guess I just can't help myself."

She chuckled lightly and pecked back on the lips while letting her hands run along the curve of his jaw line. It was moments like this that made her realize just how lucky she was to have someone like James to care for and love her the way he did.

"Ms. Pressley, it's time for you to go on," the producer said not entirely caring about the moment the two teens were having.

"I'll be right back," she kissed his cheek while handing him her phone. "Don't break anything."

"Yes dear," he winked at her, a grin taking over his expression as the producer guided her out to the stage.

Gwen's agent stood next to him as they both looked to the monitor and watched Gwen speak about her show that was already becoming a highly rated crime/drama.

"So how is it, playing the role of a teenage assassin? I can imagine that it'd be quite challenging."

"It is, but it's a lot fun with the cast who make me feel completely comfortable."

"Well Gwen, there was a rumor floating around the you'd fainted on set and had been rushed to the hospital," the host seemed genuinely concerned as he brought up the subject when he looked to the teenage actress sitting in the arm chair situated next to his desk.

However, James still tensed tremendously in the chair he was sitting in.

"I was just really tired I tend to push myself a little too hard sometimes," she smiled softly making James expel a breath of air he hadn't realized he was holding.

'_Maybe she won't mention it at all,' _he bit his lip at the thought when the subject changed to her love life.

"Now, the biggest buzz going around Hollywood are all these photos of you and James Diamond, who as many of our viewers know is part of an upcoming boy band called Big Time Rush," the host looked at her with a smirk as he continued. "I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering if the two of you are dating or not."

"Oh well, um-

She trailed off trying to find the right words to use while James sat in his chair looking very amused by his girlfriend's flustered demeanor. Neither of them had talked about making their relationship public, there were more important things that the both of them were thinking about at the moment.

"There are a lot of pictures of you and a certain member of Big Time Rush holding hands and hugging," the host smiled conspiratorially at the young actress, making her feel even more flustered.

'_Just say it Gwen, we haven't been too subtle about it either way,'_ James thought mentally urging her on.

She sighed, a slight pout taking over her expression as she looked the older man in the eye as she picked her next choice of words.

"If you got a picture of James kissing me, then I think you already have your answer," she smiled as the man behind the large desk grinned right back at her.

"Because pictures speak louder than words, right?"

A picture of the two in a lip lock never did appear on screen, so the rest of the interview moved along smoothly putting the previously anxious James at ease. His large hands still clutched Gwen's phone tightly, his palms coated in a thin film of sweat.

"There's something that I'd like to be say about my health, in all honesty," she breathed slowly, unknown to her James was now holding his breath again. "3 years ago, I'd been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor."

Gwen sighed as she sat down next to Logan on the fluorescent couch while the boy flipped to a documentary on their flat screen TV. He turned to her and smiled in greeting and reached over to pinch her cheek in a playful manner which made her laugh and smack his hands away from her. They resettled back against the couch, a comfortable silence settling between them.

"You know Gwen, I'm really proud of you for being honest about your health," Logan said abruptly and gave her a tender smile.

"Thanks, I hadn't exactly planned on saying it at that moment, but there's not turning back from that now," she shrugged smiling back at the pale boy. "I was expecting James to be upset I talked about me dying, but he seemed pretty okay when I saw him back stage."

"I think he's more worried about you than anything else," the raven haired boy replied then gave the girl sitting next to him a concerned look. "And to be honest, we're all more than just a little worried about you."

He took hold of her hand gently he squeezed his palm against hers, he knew that she hated being fussed over, but she was one of his best friends, _(and the sister he always wanted)_ he couldn't simply stop caring.

"Logan-

"No, Gwen please, just… you're like a sister to me, all the time I really wish you were my real sister, and the fact that y-you might… it's extremely hard to swallow that," tears brimmed at the corners of his eyes as he starred into her hazel orbs which glistened with tears as well. "I just, wish you weren't sick."

"Me too Logie," she sniffed and pulled her _brother_ into a tight embrace that he returned readily. "But at least we have now."

The young genius didn't reply as he held onto her, burying his face into her shoulder he inhaled deeply swallow down the sob that was begging to erupt from his throat. Like James, he couldn't bear the thought of loosing Gwen, but to him it would be like a part of him dying. She was his _sister_, always getting his humor, helping him study when the other guys were out wrecking havoc to keep him company, and never once did she ever make fun of him or the stutter he grew out of.

"I'm going to miss you," he mumbled squeezing her even tighter to himself, his cheeks flushed and wet with tears.

"Don't worry Logie, it'll be okay," she whispered with a sad smile as she pulled away from him to wipe the tears from his face.

"Isn't James always telling you that?" he chuckled sadly after taking a moment to breathe, a sad smile contorting his expression.

"Sometimes actually, I find myself telling him that more and more," she replied with a sad smile of her own as she ran her fingers through her _brother's_ hair gently. "You know, he'd be quite surprised to know that you were crying over me."

A wider smile took over his face as he scooted closer to her on the couch and let his head rest on her shoulder, his arms wrapping tightly around her middle. He never did like showing his emotions; people always used them against him, but not Gwen, that's why he could cry in front of her.

"I don't really like crying," he muttered as she rested her head on top of his. "But I really do care about you Gwen. I love you."

"I love you too Logie bear," she kissed the top of his head tenderly.

He sniffed again nuzzling his way into her shoulder and snuggling his body closer to her. Since they moved to LA it wasn't often that he could just have a moment alone Gwen, James and Katie had a tendency of hogging her to themselves, Logan missed their time together, more so now than anything.

"We won't forget you," he whispered, hoping she hadn't herd him as a tear trickled warm against his cheek and splashed against her shoulder.

But she had, and instead of saying anything, she only held onto him tighter while pressing another sisterly kiss to the side of his face. Hope was still a light shining on them; it just seemed to get dimmer by the moments passing by.

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_**Updates will come soon for Bucket List and Monsters Underneath. Leave me all your thoughts/comments/questions and such in a review. Thank you for reading. xoxo**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: **Sorry for not getting this update so late, I just couldn't seem to concentrate easy enough to write. Anyway, this chapter is sort of the start of the climax to this story. Or in other words the beginning of the end. And of course, I gave Logan Insomnia and Night Terror Disorder since well I think Logan Mitchell might be prone to that. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I hope that I'll be able to update this store and Monsters Underneath as quickly as I can._

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Gwen couldn't sleep for the fourth night in the past week, sitting up in her bed she sighed heavily silently getting up from her bed not wanting to disturb Katie who as always was sleeping soundly just a few feet away from her. Tip toeing to the door, she quietly opened her bedroom door and made her way to the kitchen, hoping to find something to settle her nerves and get her back to sleep.

"Maybe some hot chocolate will put me to sleep," she muttered to herself as she started into the small kitchen only to be startled by a voice coming from the living room.

"Couldn't sleep huh?" James, he was sitting on the apartment's brightly colored sofa looking forlorn and emotionally destroyed in the darkness. "I couldn't sleep either."

"Oh, you scared me, Jamie," she whispered as she softly padded over to him and sat with him on the couch. "Are you okay?"

"I should be asking you that question," he smirked turning to her slightly and rested his head onto her shoulder. "But no, I'm not. I'm not okay at all."

"What's wrong?" she kissed the top of his head as she wrapped her arms around him, his large frame almost folding against hers.

"I-I had a nightmare," he started his voice thick and the tears coming back to his eyes again at the memory. "It was…

He trailed off, not entirely certain with himself to continue his sentence, instead he nuzzled further into her side, tightening his grip around her small frame.

"Jamie, you can tell me about it," she pleaded gently with him, moving away from him slightly and lifted his chin for him to look her in the eye. "I'm right here darling."

"The dr- nightmare I had… it was awful Gwen," he sighed heavily, his whole body shaking as he recounted the dream. "I don't want it to come true."

"But, what was it?" she coaxed running her fingers along his jaw line tenderly, a tear trickled down his cheek much to his surprise, she took the moment to wipe the tear from his face and kiss the tip of his nose.

She could tell that whatever had James so upset wasn't just a simple dream, but she couldn't comfort him properly if he didn't tell her what it was about.

"Your funeral… I- Everyone was there and you were just…" he dropped his head back into her shoulder, his breathing going ragged as a sob bubbling along the walls of his throat. "I was looking into your casket… and I just- I can't lose you now Gwen."

Biting her lip, she turned more onto the couch allowing him to pull her even closer against his body. Tears freely fell from his eyes onto her shoulder soaking into her oversized T-Shirt; words couldn't come to her at the moment. And how could they, after hearing that her boyfriend had awoken from dreaming about being at her funeral. She too was scared of what seemed to be the inevitable, but this was taking it to a whole new level.

"I know, I shouldn't be thinking about it at all, but I can't help it," he babbled through his tears as his grip on her tightened. "One day… I'm going to be looking at you and… and-

"Stop," she ordered her voice quiet and calm as she pushed James off herself gently, her small hands gripping his shoulders firmly. "Just stop talking right now."

Without question he obeyed her, swallowing down some of the lump in his throat as he looked into her now watering eyes. She leaned into him slowly, pressing her lips tenderly to his and let her hands travel upward into his already mused hair, he reciprocated easily and the stress building in him melted away into nothing. When they broke apart, he sighed and rested his forehead against hers as the silence of the apartment fell over them like a fleece blanket.

"I can't go back to sleep Gwen, every time my eyes close I just see you there in that box and…" his voice trailed off as he moved back his head onto her shoulder again, her arms wrapping around him tightly. "Please don't go."

"I can't exactly give you a response to that, but I can tell you James is that I'm scared just like you are," she started taking a large breath of air to steady her breathing. "Honestly, I'm terrified."

"I know, I-

"No, Jamie you don't know. You get to live after I'm- you'll move on, find a nice girl. You'll be fine," she pressed her thumb gently to his lips to keep him from speaking. "I know that you think you're never going to be able to live with out me around, but you will. I promise."

"But what if I don't want to Gwen," his eyes were full of anguish and pain as he pulled her closer. "What if I can't?"

"You will, you're James Isaac Diamond, you can do anything," she smiled softly at him before closing the small gap between them and kissing him again. "Now, why don't we drink some hot chocolate? Maybe that'll put you to sleep."

"Maybe," he smiled back as she pulled away from him and then up from the couch. "But, could you sleep next to me tonight… please?"

"Of course James, now come on let's get something to calm you down," she tenderly tugged him with her into the kitchen, her hand clasped tightly with his.

As they quietly stirred their mugs of the warm chocolate beverages, their minds were still racing at a thousand miles a minute. The both of them knew what the inevitable would be, but it didn't mean that they would ever be prepared for it when the time came. And how could they when their relationship was just starting, when their dreams were just coming true.

"I love you Gwen," he whispered to her as she snuggled up into his chest after they quietly washed out the mugs they'd drank from.

"I love you too James," she replied quietly giving him a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose before the both of them soon easily drifted off into dreamland.

The morning seemed to sneak up on the both of them when James' alarm which Gwen later realized was set 15 minutes earlier than her own woke the two of them from their short dreamless slumber.

"I don't want to wake up," Gwen whined into James' chest as she pulled him closer. "I wish I didn't have to work today."

"I know babe, but you've got to get up," he whispered in reply as he kissed the top of her head. "No matter how badly I want you to stay."

She smiled softly at his words as she slowly moved into an upright position, her body didn't complain against the movements which she was grateful for. Looking at the sleepy brunette, her smile widened and she leaned down to give him a gentle kiss to his lips then quietly got up from his bed.

"Are you getting up, or are you going to sleep in for once?" she yawned putting her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.

"No, I'm getting up," he sighed heavily and let his body roll off the mattress. "Want me to make you breakfast?"

"How about we do that together?" she suggested pulling onto his wrist, his larger body leaning heavily into hers causing her to stifle a laugh. "Or you could just go back to sleep."

She giggled when he nuzzled his face into her neck and squeezed onto her body tighter. He sighed and mumbled that he was perfectly capable of making breakfast for her since he was in fact not as tired as she thought.

"James, you obviously need more sleep," she said gently as she pushed him back into his bed. "So go back to bed, you big baby."

"I'm not a baby," he pouted then yawned shortly afterward. "But fine, I'll sleep."

"Good, I'll see you when I get back from work," she smiled softly at him and leaned down to tuck him back under his blankets while placing a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose.

"I love you," he whispered before a yawn could interrupt him, he blinked his tired hazel eyes at her slowly.

"I love you too Jamie," she replied easily and watched him smile as he closed his eyes and fell back into dreamland easily. She shook her head softly at the soft snores coming from his mouth. "Sleeping like a bear in winter."

Gwen let out another yawn as she left set and made her way back to her dressing room when filming was over. She'd been tired all day, but nothing that she couldn't handle, grabbing her bag she walked out the exit into the lot where James was waiting for her looking as if he were about to burst at the seams.

"Well someone looks extra happy to see me," she laughed softly as the hazel eyed boy pulled her tightly into his strong arms.

"Of course I'm happy to see you, I've got plans for the both of us," he grinned taking a gentle hold her hand. "You're going to love it."

"And what makes you so sure about that?" she giggled as they walked down the sidewalk together.

"Because, it's on your list and you only put things you like on your list," he replied matter of factly a smirk now curling to his lips.

"Well that's true, although I could have put something you hated onto it," she quirked a brow at him and he chuckled letting go of her hand and pulled her against his side.

"But you didn't, because you love me," he answered cheekily as he leaned down to kiss her cheek softly.

She smiled despite herself and wrapped her arms around him as they got closer to the Palm Woods. There was a bubbling feeling of curiosity and excitement starting at the pit of her stomach which slowly began to rise with each step the pair took.

"So, what do you have planned?" she questioned biting her lip as the pop star opened the front door to the lobby for her.

"Can't tell you that sweetie," he grinned giving her, a tender kiss to her lips. "It'd ruin the surprise."

Gwen huffed with a pout and crossed her arms over her chest causing the taller boy to laugh loudly at her expense. Pressing the elevator door button, he bounced on the balls of his feet as they got closer to their floor. Stepping out of the elevator James pulled out his phone and called Carlos who answered on the first ring.

"So is everything ready?" he chewed his lip in anticipation and waited for the other boy's response which to Gwen seemed very favorable. "Great… great we'll be up in a few minutes."

"James, what's on the roof?" she eyed him curiously as he ended the call and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Oh you'll see in a minute," he smiled slyly and took hold of her hand again and led her down the hall to the stairs that led up to the roof. "I just don't know why I hadn't done this before."

"Done what before?" she whined childishly making James struggle to stifle the laughter bubbling in his throat. "James, what are-

Her words were cut off by the sight before her on top of the Palm Woods' roof. There was a small table with place settings for two people and covered dishes on either side; in the center was a small crystal vase with 3 purple irises.

"Number 9 on your list, is to eat dinner on the roof of a building in Hollywood while the sun's setting," James started from behind her quietly. "Well, we're on the roof of our apartment building, there's dinner and the sun's setting right now."

She couldn't speak for a moment, turning to face him; she took time to form her words.

"There's a part of it where it says that I eat with someone I love." Her hazel eyes were glistening with tears as he stood closer to her.

"Is that person standing in front of you?" he bit his lip as he gripped her delicate hands into his larger owns, his own eyes watering.

"Yeah, he is and I can't believe he's mine," she grinned standing on the tip of her toes to kiss him ardently. "Now how about we eat, I bet the food's getting cold."

Chuckling softly he hugged her quickly before going over to the table and pulled out her chair for her; lightly he pushed the chair in then went to the other side of the table and took his own seat.

"Ready?" he asked biting his lip as a sudden flush of nervousness flooded the pit of his belly.

"Of course," she chuckled as they pulled off the silver covers from their plates revealing the still warm stuffed pasta shells, her favorite. "James… this is perfect."

He smiled at her, words unable to form on his tongue just that second, but he didn't want them to come, they might ruin the moment which was more perfect than what he'd originally imagined.

"We should try to eat fast, the sun set won't last too long," he said softly reaching across the table and taking a secure hold of her hand.

"Okay," she replied simply with a warm smile of her own and squeezed his hand as the two of them started eating their roof top dinner.

Gwen walked softly down the hall to the bathroom; she mentally berated herself for drinking all that water right before she needed to go to bed. As she got closer to the living room she noticed that the soft blue glow of the television filling foyer of the apartment, obviously she wasn't the only one awake and she hoped that this time it wasn't James.

Getting closer she saw that the person huddled up on the sofa wasn't James, since the figure huddled on the furniture was smaller than her boyfriend. The person slightly rocking himself back and forth on the fluorescent object was Logan who suddenly stilled as she took another tentative step forward.

"I know you're there, you don't have to sneak behind me," he mumbled softly and slowly turned around to face her. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"Oh, no… I just needed to pee," she answered awkwardly, she shifted under the dark haired boy's intent gaze.

"Okay," he turned back around to stare blankly at the muted TV screen not really watching the movie he'd put on in hopes of falling asleep.

She went to the bathroom this time not bothering to hide her presence from the boy, who was now back to rocking himself on the sofa. A flush of worry filled her gut as she relieved her bladder from the excess amount of fluid it had been holding, as she washed her hands the feeling rose upward filling her lungs and choking her windpipe as if she were drowning at sea.

"Logan, are you okay?" she questioned softly as she exited the bathroom and walked over to where he was still methodically rocking himself.

"Not really… I couldn't sleep," he looked at his socked feet that poked from under the fleece blanket he'd wrapped around himself in semblance of comfort. "It's nothing."

"Logie… it's almost four am. It's obviously something," she pressed sitting next to him while drawing her legs to her chest. "Did you have a bad dream?"

He shifted uncomfortably next to her, but nodded his head in acquiescence and tugged the blanket closer to his body as if the fleece fabric would shield him from whatever nightmarish images that had been haunting him prior to being awake. Gwen frowned, she knew that her brother was prone nightmares and needed medication to keep the _monsters_ and _demons_ living in his mind from feasting on his brain during the nights.

"You've stopped taking your pills haven't you?" he didn't answer that question either; he only nodded and rested his head on her shoulder as a heavy wave of shame washed over him. "Logan, you know what happens when you stop taking them…"

"I know, I just don't like taking them," he grumbled, sound entirely miserable from his lack of sleep. "I haven't slept in three days."

"What? You can't do that!" she quietly shrieked at him, her eyes wide as she pushed him off her shoulder and tightly gripped his shoulders. "You're the smart one Logan, you _should_ know better."

"I… I know, I just don't like them," he replied pathetically unable to hold her gaze. "I'm sorry Gwen."

She exhaled deeply to calm herself and pulled him into a tight embrace. "For a smart guy you're really stupid sometimes."

"Heh, I know… I guess I should probably take one and try to get some sleep huh?" he sighed as he relaxed into her hug. "I can see why James likes it when you sleep in his bed, you're really comfy."

"You're getting delirious, let's get you one of those sleeping pills," she smiled as she pulled him up from the couch still wrapped in his blanket. "Oh, and this won't ever happen again… right Logan?"

"Right, it won't… I'll try. Thanks Gwen," he grinned at her gratefully and pulled her into another hug while she gave him a sisterly kiss to the temple.

"What are sisters for?" she shrugged a warm expression on her face as she got one of his sleep aids and a small cup of water. "Now make sure you actually swallow it and don't try to hide it under your tongue."

Logan rolled his eyes, but acquiesced as he set the small pill to his tongue and gulped down the water she handed to him to wash it down his esophagus. After setting the cup in the sink she led him back to his room which he was now sharing with James, somehow Carlos had finally managed to convince him to switch rooms.

Gwen tucked her adopted brother into his bed and smiled as he yawned comfortably easily rolling to his side ready for the always expected dreamless sleep. Looking over to the other body sleeping in the room, she lightly stepped over to give James a tender kiss to his forehead before sneaking back into her own room where she too fell back down into dreamland easily that murky feeling gone from gut.

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**Updates and other projects will come soon, please leave all your comments, thoughts, concerns and critiques in the form a review. Thank you. xoxo**


	10. Chapter 10

_**IMPORTANT AN: **This story will be coming to a close after this chapter. So please, bear with me if updates take longer than expected. This chapter was difficult to write there in that it was a rather emotional chapter to reach the full climax of this story. This has not just been a story about James and Gwen, it's Gwen's story about how she handles the situations placed in front of her. With that being said, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and keep your eyes out for the final updates._

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Gwen sighed heavily as she sat in the car on the way to the hospital. She wasn't looking forward to her check up at all. She knew with out a doubt in her mind that the doctor was simply going to give her a new death sentence (as she would refer to it ever so affectionately) instead of any hope that she wouldn't die, and that for the past three running on four years she'd been taking meds to keep a tumor that wasn't even there to begin with.

So she threw away every hope of getting a miracle the way she did the contents of her stomach that morning. This time she managed to hide the fact that her medication was making her feel sick again. In hindsight, she knew it probably wasn't a good idea to hide the fact that she was vomiting again, but the sight of James looking perfectly destroyed was something she had been trying to avoid seeing.

"Don't worry; I'm sure that the doctor will have good news for you," Mrs. Knight said to break the thick tension in the car.

She knew that what she said couldn't even be true, she still had hope and she wanted the unusually quiet teenaged girl next to her to have some if it was the last thing she did.

"I understand what you're trying to do Mrs. Knight, but I'd rather not want to think about anything right now," she sighed turning away to face the passenger window.

The older of the two sighed as they got closer to the hospital. She knew that the young girl hated being in the position she was in and Jennifer knew that Gwen had no choice in the matter.

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be so negative," Jennifer ventured cautiously entering the parking lot.

"And there's nothing for me to be positive about this either," Gwen quietly said grabbing her bag and exited the car once her guardian parked her rental car.

Jennifer sighed not knowing what to tell the girl who seemed so sure just yesterday that there was some hope that she would live, but now that same girl was morose and indifferent at the same time as they both made their way through the sliding doors of the hospital into its cold interior.

If Jennifer had been paying attention she would have seen Gwen shiver, but the red head was far more focused on asking the nurse behind the front desk where Gwen would be having her check up.

"Okay, we have to get you to Room 141," Mrs. Knight said trying to create a more cheerful atmosphere.

The hazel eyed girl didn't reply only shrugged her shoulders and readjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder while the older of the two made the way to the elevator and she followed. Gwen was painfully quiet as they rode up to the four the floor of the building, if Jennifer was disturbed by the silence, she didn't let on even when the elevator doors slid open upon their arrival to the fourth floor.

'I hope I don't get anymore bad news,' Gwen thought to herself with an inward sigh as she and Mrs. Knight walked down the hall to room 141.

Gwen chewed her lip as the doctor entered the room, she felt her body shake and surmised that it was just another side effect of her medication and not because she was terrified of what the older man in front of her would say. The severe look on his face only seemed to confirm that she might as well be good as dead.

"Well all of your test results show that you tumor has stopped swelling," he started flipping through the information, a soft sigh left her lips as she waited for him to continue. "But it doesn't seem as if it's going to get any smaller."

"I could have told you that," the teenaged girl quirked a brow folding her arms over her chest while the doctor let a small smile break his serious expression. "No offense or anything."

"None taken, although I do have some potentially good new for you," he replied his countenance more serious again.

"Oh, you do?" she uncrossed her arms and the older woman next to her took the moment to squeeze her hand tightly. "Wee what is it doc?"

"I've been in the touch will several of my colleagues and one of them who'll be in town this week for a seminar, he think that he's able to help you," he flipped her patient chart closed and held onto it tightly. "He's had a case similar to yours and is more than certain that he can remove the tumor from your brain."

She sat there feeling as if the room around he had disappeared into nothing as the doctor's words sunk into her brain. The tumor she'd had to live with for almost four years, the tumor that doctors in Minnesota and New York had told her couldn't be removed was going to be gone, could be gone _forever._

"Ms. Pressley," the doctor said gently as Mrs. Knight gently tapped her shoulder with her free hand breaking the girl away from her thoughts.

"I heard you, so you're saying that there's a friend of yours who can get this tumor off my brain?" She asked squeezing the older woman's hand, who squeezed back with no hesitation. "That, I won't have to take those awful meds anymore."

"Well, in theory yes, but there are some risks, big risks that I think you should consider before doing this kind of surgery," he looked into her eyes steadily, almost hoping to talk her our of something that very well could save her life. "You could die during the procedure."

"And if I don't do the surgery, I could die after vomiting my vital organs into the toilet three days later," her eyes hardened as her resolve grew stronger. "I'm getting this surgery."

"Honey, are you sure? Don't you want to go home and think this through?" Jennifer stood in front of the young girl with a concerned look on her face as her hands gripped Gwen's shoulders tightly.

"I'm more sure than I've ever been about anything in my life," she exhaled heavily as she stood up from the bench she'd been sitting on. "I've spent every moment for the past four years imaging every scenario like this in my head. And now that its here, I'm going to let it go."

The two adults looked to each other, the both of them realizing that the teenager was firmly rooted in her decision and there was no other way of convincing her otherwise. In defeat their shoulders sagged, Jennifer pulled the girl into a tight hug while the doctor heaved a heavy sigh.

"It seems that I can't change your mind," he said his voice tired, yet strangely happy. "I'll call my colleague; he should be able to perform the surgery tomorrow."

"Good, thanks doc," Gwen smiled at the older gently man who returned it warmly.

"You're welcome, I'll call once the arrangements have been made," he nodded to the older of the two women before exiting the room.

Mrs. Knight sighed loudly as the two of them left the hospital building. She had almost hoped that Gwen's conviction would crumble when she asked the petite girl about the sandy haired boy, no doubt anxiously waiting for her return, but alas her choice was still to go through with the surgery even thought she was running a great risk of possibly dying on the table. The rest of the occupants of apartment 2J were not going to take this new development well at all.

"Are you seriously going to go through with this?" Logan asked his brown eyes wide and full of panic. "Have you even thought about it?"  
"Yeah, I have," was the short reply as Gwen stuffed her duffel bag for her trip to the hospital.

"And you're not scared? Not even a little of what could go wrong?" he pressed, his hair was a mess as he stepped even further into her room, luckily Logan was the only one of the boys home for her to give her news to.

And the both of them knew that she couldn't handle telling James with all of them against her right now.

"Of course I'm scared, but I'd rather take this opportunity than let it pass me by and then end up in the hospital on my actual death bed," she replied after finally zipping up her back and took a seat on her bed. "And I don't want you guys to try and convince me not to do this."

"I won't, I can't speak for James. He's not going to be too excited about you having this surgery," the dark haired boy bit his lip and sat with her. "This isn't something he's going to take easily."

"I know, I just hope Carlos and Kendall can back me up," she flopped backwards onto her mattress, her nerves starting to build as the front door of the apartment slammed shut announcing new arrivals.

"Hey, I'll be there too to lend you support too. I'm just scared for you, and James will be too, but he'll understand. I know he will," Logan smiled at her encouragingly as he stood up and pulled her up from her bed. "Now come on, it's time to face the music."

She sighed and nodded her head a bit reluctantly as she let the brunette lead her out of her bedroom down the hall into the foyer just as James, Kendall and Carlos all moved to the living to flop onto the fluorescent couch. Her heart hammered in her chest when James caught her eye and saw that she was back from her visit to the hospital.

"Hey, you're back," he breathed getting up from the sofa and stepped over to her quickly to take her into his arms. "How was it?"

"It went okay, the doctor said that the tumor wasn't getting any bigger," she started taking a deep breath before pulling away from his embrace. "There was something else he said too."

"What? He didn't say that you had 3 months to live or something did he?" James asked his eyes immediately becoming full of worry. "What did he say Gwen?"

"James, would you let her talk? Take a breath man," Kendall interjected standing up from the couch while Carlos followed and stood on the other side of the tall boy.

Gwen closed her eyes and grabbed Logan's hand who squeezed back calming the tangle of nerves that had been squeezing her heart. Opening her eyes she let out a shaky breath before looking her worried boyfriend in the eye.

"He told me that a colleague of his could remove the tumor on my brain tomorrow if I accepted the surgery. Only thing is that I could die during the procedure, or get severe brain damage," she chewed the inside of her cheek gauging their reactions, so far all three boy's expressions were unreadable. "I told him… that I'd do the surgery."

"You told him you'd do it?" James crossed his arms over his chest, his face still unreadable. "You said yes, even though you could die?"

"I could die anyway," she glared her hand slipping from Logan's who stepped away from her feeling her anger flaring the same as Carlos and Kendall did. "Besides, I'm going through with this."

"I understand-

"No. No you don't understand James! _None_ of you understand what I'm going through," her eyes darkened as she too crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm the one who has to make this decision. I'm the one who keeps dancing with death, not you alright."

"Look James, Gwen obviously has her mind made up, we should support her," Carlos said cautiously as he moved over to stand with the girl who was still glaring at the taller boy. "She could really use some support, from _all _of us right now."

Turning her head to the raven haired boy she smiled softly at him, a silent thank you for taking her side. She glanced back to the boy who _should_ be on her side, but currently seemed to be fighting against her, uncrossing her arms, she moved her hands to her hips while James stood still.

Kendall looked to her then back to James, his green eyes wide and uncertain of what he should do. He was supposed to be the leader, the one who kept everyone grounded, but right now his own mind was spinning away from him as she watched him. The blond took a breath before putting a firm hand to the sandy haired boy's shoulder, diverting his attention from the petite girl staring him down intently.

"Carlos is right. Gwen's been with us through a lot of hard times. And we've been with her every step of the way since her diagnosis. The least you could do is back her up, that's all she'd be asking for," Kendall was hoping to make James more agreeable to accepting Gwen's decision, however life threatening it may be. "All the brain scans, biopsies, we were right there… waiting for her."

"But who's to say that after the surgery she'll be awake," James argued his eyes hardening more as he looked to the other tall boy.

"And who's to say that I won't die in your arms tonight, or the next night James. God, you're so selfish, some boyfriend you are," she snapped turning away from the boys and stomping down the hall to her room.

"Oh, I'm the selfish one?" he yelled following her down the hall and grabbing at her arm turning her to face him. "What about you?"

"What about me? I'm going to die if I don't do the surgery, and yeah I might die during the actual surgery," she pulled her arm from his grasp and noticed that the other three boys had quietly exited the apartment leaving the two of them to duke it out.

"But can't you just consider how I feel about this?" his voice cracked slightly, his jaw tightened as he stepped forward.

To keep him from getting any closer Gwen gently put her hand in the middle of his chest and pushed him back lightly. She sighed looking to the ground as she rolled her jaw to calm the sudden tidal wave of emotions raging in her.

"I already have, and I knew that you'd tell me to think about you. I knew you'd give me the whole, "I can't live with out you" speech," she started her voice calmer than how she felt. "I don't want to feel guilty for doing something that might save me."

"But what if that thing kills you? What if-

"That's my choice James! You can't expect me to not consider myself first for once," she didn't expect tears to stain her cheeks at this point, but here they were streaming down her face with no sign of stopping.

It was the sight of her tears that made him acquiesce, finally seeing that the matter of her getting the surgery was her choice and he had no place putting his opinion where it wasn't need. And besides, she was right he was being selfish.

"You're right, I'm being selfish," he breathed slowly taking a hold onto her wrist and pulled her into his chest. "I was being a jerk."

"Yeah, you were," she giggled weakly wiping the tears still on her face. "But thanks, it means a lot to me."

"I know, how about I help you pack for the hospital," he offered leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"I already have, but there is something that you can help me with," she bit her lip as she moved out of his grasp and started to lead him to her bedroom. "It's the next thing on my list."

"Are you sure? I mean, that's… Gwen, are you positive you want to do that… with me?" James nearly shrieked his voice cracking as his eyes widened in a comedic fashion.

"Of course I'm sure. And you're the only person I planned on doing it with," she responded squeezing onto his hand as a small smile contorted her expression. "I love you James."

"I love you too, and we don't have to do this if you don't want to," the tall boy said mostly to assure himself than the short girl tugging him towards her bedroom.

The nerves that James had feeling before evaporated into nothing as the bedroom door shut behind him. He exhaled, a sudden calm washing over him as his girlfriend turned to stand in front of him with wide eyes.

"Are you ready?" he leaned down and kissed her in response, his lips easily moving against hers as he lifted her up by the back of her thighs and carry her to the bed.

"I think the better question is, are you ready?" his brushed over hers making her shiver in anticipation as her fingers trailed down his torso to finger the hem of his shirt tentatively.

She nodded her head letting a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and pulled his shirt over his head, there was no turning back from this, and Gwen didn't plan on it. His lips pressed to hers again, she shivered again as the air hit her bare skin, while their clothes fell to the floor.

The expected pain at the first intrusion came, but once it subsided, it was only bliss.

This was the moment she'd imagined only a few hundred times, and she had expected that their first time together wouldn't go as smoothly as it was right now. And in fact it was more than smooth as their bodies pressed together, their hands twisting into each other's hair and both whispering words they'd never say in public, the moment and every action involved was fluid and perfect.

He was gentle, seeming to know just what to do, causing sparks to ignite under her skin and make her lungs feel as if they would burst. It felt like the night when they had both snuck out to go to the beach, and kissed on the sand, their going further now than they did on that night. But the feeling was still there as their hearts raced, as the climax finally crashed down over them like the hide tide sneaking up on them and nearly washed them away.

She clung to him as their bodies shook and then relaxed, the two of them not entirely wanting to let go of the other as silence settled over the room. He rolled off her, but held her close to his chest and tenderly kissed her while moving some of her hair from her shoulder.

"I love you," Gwen whispered after a few moments passed feeling sleep creep up onto her.

"I love you too," he kissed the top of her head and squeezed her gently. "Although, we should probably get dressed so Mrs. Knight doesn't catch us and then kill me."

She laughed softly and sat up slowly "Yeah, we should probably do that."

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_**Please leave a review with all your thoughts and comments. And please check out the updated chapter of Monsters Underneath. Updates are to come as soon as possible. xoxo**_


	11. Chapter 11

**PLEASE READ THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE.**

**_AN: _**_Sorry for not getting this chapter up any sooner, it took a lot of work and concentration that I couldn't seem to get enough of. Anyway, this chapter focuses on the surgery that Gwen is having, and I warn you it's a bit gross when describing the tumor because I want all of you to understand her condition in a new way. And I noticed that I didn't edit Gwen's parents last name in the first chapter after I changed her last name to Pressley. So now, well you'll see. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Updates coming soon._

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"So, are you really going to do it?" Katie whispered into the dark of their bedroom as she quietly sat up in her bed.

"Yeah, I have to… I know it's a risk," Gwen whispered back, her eyes looking to the ceiling. "But I have to take that risk."

"But, aren't you scared?" the younger girl asked her fingers gripping onto her bed sheets tightly. "I heard what you and my mom were talking about before dinner."

"Katie, didn't your mom tell you not to eavesdrop?" the older turned her head to the preteen and quirked a brow at her despite knowing the girl couldn't see her face.

"You're avoiding the question."

Gwen paused before answering as she sat up in her own bed and drew her knees into her chest. If she was being honest with herself, she was terrified to go through with the surgery, but saying it out loud would only make that fear even more pronounced.

"Yeah, I am scared, scared of what'll happen if the surgery goes wrong," she sighed heavily feeling her body shake with a sudden burst of nerves. "I try not to think about being scared, but I just am."

"Well, I'm scared too," Katie said softly, her voice wavering slightly as her eyes momentarily looked to the blankets covering her. "I'm scared you might not make it."

The older of the two didn't respond as a tear steadily rolled down her cheek and splashed against her knee. Sniffling softly she moved out of her bed and crossed over to Katie's and slipped under the blankets with her, the two of them pulling each other into a tight embrace. The younger girl squeezed Gwen to herself tightly as a quiet sob shook her small body making the teenage girl hold her even tighter.

"It's gonna be okay Kit Kat, I promise," she whispered rubbing the small girl's back gently hoping to stop the tears that were falling from her eyes.

"B-But-

"Shh sweetie, don't think about it, okay?" the hazel eyed girl rested her chin on top of Katie's head and began rocking the both of them slowly.

It was only a matter of minutes when the young girl stopped crying, her tiny arms still holding onto Gwen tightly which the older girl didn't mind in the slightest. Adjusting herself carefully, she leaned back against the mattress still holding the preteen in her arms and with a soft sigh she let herself fall asleep.

Jennifer Knight opened the door to the room where her daughter and another girl who had become like her own daughter were sleeping; the sight that greeted her drew a warm smile to her face. There in Katie's bed was Gwen, her arms cradling the younger girl against herself, the two of them fast asleep. The older woman didn't want to disturb the two young girls from their peaceful slumber, but she knew even before she saw the two of them wrapped in each other's arms that Gwen needed to be at the hospital bright and early.

"Gwen, it's time to go the hospital," Jennifer gently shook the teenager awake while trying not to wake her daughter at the same time, who didn't seem to be moving any time soon.

"Five more minutes," the young actress sighed wiggling away from the older woman's hand, the small girl in her arms flinching slightly at the movement.

"In five minutes, you'll be late," Mrs. Knight said firmly managing to shake both girls awake.

"What time is it?" Katie grunted as she and the girl who she had previously been clinging to, sat up in bed.

"Its 7:30 and Gwen needs to go to the hospital, today is the day, remember?" the red headed woman replied gently while both girls moved slowly to the edge of the bed.

"Oh right, hmm, well I guess I better get moving then," Gwen swallowed thickly and stood upright from the smaller girl's bed, her back popping as she did so. "How much time do I have?"

"Fifteen minutes," the older woman said softly while Katie leaned against her mother tiredly.

"Okay, and I want the boys to come too, Logan's driving me," she turned to her guardian who was helping her daughter to stand up. "You should stay with Katie; one of the guys will call you about how the surgery went."

"Are you sure? I should probably be there anyway, I am y-

"Mrs. Knight, you've done a lot for me since we've moved here and I only think that I should do you the kindness of not having to worry about me while I'm about to go under the knife," Gwen sighed as she quickly changed out of her pajamas. "My parents are already worrying enough as it is, and I'm actually glad that their flight won't get in time for them to see me before I go in."

Jennifer paused thoughtfully while the teenaged girl pulled on her shoes and grabbed the small duffel bag she'd packed. She knew that as a mother and guardian, she should take her to the hospital and be there when her parents would arrive. But Gwen seemed adamant at not wanting her or Katie to be there while they wheeled her into surgery, because Jennifer knew and could tell that she was scared. Gwen was scared that she might die on the table and didn't want her parents to blame the red headed woman for it. The older woman sighed heavily and looked down to her own daughter before looking to the other child in her care.

"I should go with you, but since you seem so sure; Logan will drive you to the hospital," she conceded while putting Katie back to bed who only protested mildly, but quieted the moment her head touched her pillow."

"Thanks, Mrs. Knight," the hazel eyed girl said with a soft smile and pulled her guardian into a tight hug.

Gwen sat with Logan on her bed in the room that her doctor had placed her in after running a few preliminary tests before Dr. Salvatore DeMarco would perform the surgery that could be saving her life today. She purposely had James, Kendall and Carlos stay out in the waiting room because she knew that she wouldn't be able to handle the stress of having her boyfriend shamelessly worrying over her, and making her more anxious than she already was. Besides, Logan was doing a surprisingly well job at keeping her calm while he held onto her hand and told her every so often to breathe deeply to keep her from having an anxiety attack.

"Alright Ms. Pressley, from your test results I can confirm that I will be able to remove the tumor with minimal damage to no damage," Dr. DeMarco said while holding a large folder containing the various tests she'd taken an hour earlier. "Now, are you absolutely positive that you want to go through with this?"

She quickly glanced to the dark haired boy next to her; he squeezed her hand gently and gave her a quick nod of encouragement. "Yes, I want to do this."

"Very well then, you'll be prepped for surgery in the next hour. I've done procedures like this before, you'll be just fine," the surgeon said with a thick New York accent and smiled at her reassuringly, his dark green eyes looking to her kindly before he left the room.

"See Gwen, you're gonna be okay," Logan said letting go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her letting his _sister_ rest her head onto his shoulder. "The nice Italian doctor said so."

"How do you even know he's Italian? For all we know, he could be Jewish," the mocha skinned girl laughed softly and lifted her head from his shoulder to give him an incredulous look.

"You and I both can tell he's Italian, and he said his first name is Salvatore. The name Salvatore is Italian for savior," he paused moving his arm from behind her to his lap and stared at her intently. "Call me crazy, but with a name like that, I'd feel pretty safe."

She didn't reply as a sudden feeling of warmth and tranquility settled over her like a warm fleece blanket fresh out of the dryer, the petite girl pulled him into a tight unexpected hug which he returned without question. Because if Logan was crazy, then so was she because with a doctor whose name meant savior, she did in fact feel perfectly safe.

"The nurses will wheel you down to OR in a few minutes, and don't worry you're going to be fine, Dr. DeMarco is the best in his field," A young nurse said to Gwen giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "And your friends are going to be waiting for you when you get out."

'_I hope this nurse is right, I don't want to die,'_ she thought while putting on a smile for the young woman just as she was about to exit the room.

The young girl stared at her hands contemplatively as the three other boys piled into the room eager to see her off before she went under the knife.

"So, how are you feeling?" James asked as he and Logan settled on either side of her on the thin hospital bed.

"Scared, absolutely terrified that this won't work out," she chewed her lip, her brightly colored eyes looking to her hands; she squeezed them together when they started to shake.

"Hey, we already talked about this," Logan interjected softly as he scooted closer to her smaller frame. "You're going to get this surgery and you're going to come out alive and tumor free."

"You're going to be able to live a normal life," James added his fingers gently touching her cheek before leaning in to kiss her face softly. "We both will."

A small smile curled to her lips as Logan squeezed her hand for emphasis and Carlos and Kendall smiled at her in amelioration, her nerves that seemed to be quietly spinning out of control were starting to simmer back to normal.

"Thanks guys, this means a lot to me that you're here," her smile widened just as the nurses came into to transport her into the OR.

"And we'll be waiting for you right here," Carlos chirped smiling at her brightly as the four boys followed behind.

"I love you guys," a tear rolled down her cheek as the doors to the OR swung shut behind her and the chorus of "We love you too" was the last thing that she heard.

The lights in the operating room were bright in her eyes as the nurses and surgical assistants hooked her up to several monitors and fluids in the large sterile and white room. She gulped softly, her hands clenching as they put her into an upright position as Dr. DeMarco took his position behind her, now adorned in scrubs and gloves and readied himself to perform the procedure that may save his young patient.

"Alright, we'll give you light anesthesia to dull the pain, but you'll remain awake for a majority of the surgery," the surgeon said after having his mask tied firmly over his mouth. "To make sure things go as planned."

"Okay," she replied shortly and tried to calm her breathing as the anesthesia began to take its effect. _'Please, don't let me die.'_

The surgery started moments after Gwen's eyes were closed, her heart rate was steady as the first incisions were made. Dr. DeMarco ordered the assistant next to him to hand him other instruments he would need to break through her skull with out damaging the soft brain tissue beneath.

'_Since the tumor hasn't grown, then this should go smoothly,'_ the older man hoped to himself as the bone was removed from the girl's head.

He paused, when his patient suddenly flinched and the dark mass on her brain seemed to bulge out of her skull almost as if it were alive and growing finally able to spread like mold. It was a disgusting green color, almost black in hue and spongy in texture; the mass seemed to pulsate as it was now being exposed to oxygen and the bright lights of the operating room.

"Oh no," he gasped softly, his eyes widened along with the other medical staff in the room.

This wasn't at all what he had been expecting; apparently the tumor had compacted against the bone in a way that couldn't be seen in any of the tests they'd done on her previously.

"What's wrong?" Gwen questioned, her heart rate starting to pick up, a ting of fear began to bubble at the alarmed tone of the man cutting into her head.

"Nothing, nothing, I just thought I forgot something," the older man replied shaking off the feeling of doom that dug into him like the talons of a falcon. "Anyway, I understand you're on a TV show, what's it about?"

"Yeah, the show's called _Burned_; it's about this cop whose daughter is the serial killer that he's been trying to catch. I play the serial killer," she smiled thinking about the show and the cast that she'd grown to love.

"I wouldn't take you for the serial killer type," Salvatore commented while carefully cutting at the top layer of the tumor with a well practiced hand.

She laughed easily, her trepidation from earlier vanishing as her body relaxed despite being awake while a serious operation was being performed on her. A soft hum left her lips, her attention on the sound of the various machines in the room, a thin blanket of safety falling over her as the doctor kept asking her questions about her TV show and personal life.

"Man, I wish I could be there with her right now," James grumbled aloud and aimlessly kicked at a vending machine in the waiting room.

A grunt of agreement passed through the other three boys while Gwen's parents remained silent. It had been 30 minutes since the young actress was taken into the OR. Her parents had arrived a few moments later, looking as frazzled and worried as most parents would if their daughter was getting a tumor removed from her head in a dangerous surgery that could very well end her life.

"I just wish that she had called us earlier," Mrs. Blake said softly dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief from her purse. "And why isn't Jennifer here?"

"She didn't want my mom here, especially with my little sister," Kendall answered steadily ready to defend his mother and Gwen if the situation rose to it. "Gwen only wanted us to be here. I don't think Katie could have handled it and well my mom's already got enough to worry about."

The older woman stayed silent and looked to her hands while her husband leaned forward, his dark eyes staring steadily to the floor. To anyone else who walked into the waiting room, they would have simply thought that the older man was worried and trying to hold onto some semblance of composure, but to James and Logan, Mr. Blake looked as if he was hiding something judging by the way his foot started tapping at an erratic rhythm.

The two boys made eye contact, both of them wondering if they should confront the man about what he might be hiding. But before either of them could make a movie; a middle aged nurse with prematurely graying brown hair walked back into the room carrying folder, and a confused expression contorting her countenance.

"Are you two the parents of Gwendalyn Marie Pressley?" she questioned, her blue eyes looking to the couple warily.

"Of course we're her parents, why would you ask such a thing?" Mrs. Blake retorted defensively as she jolted up from her seat.

"Because the blood tests show what that neither of you are her biological parents," the nurse dead panned and crossed her arms looking to the pair critically. "Once again, are you, Gwendalyn Marie Pressley's parents?"

"No, we adopted her after her mother died of brain cancer when she was four, her father was a Marine, he died in combat," Gwen's adoptive father spoke heaving a heavy sigh before standing next to his wife. "We were really close with her parents, and they wanted us to adopt her if something ever happened to the both of them."

The four teenage boys in the room seemed to be forgotten, they all stood behind the nurse still clutching onto the blood tests with wide gaping mouths. They blinked owlishly at the man they'd all grown to know as Gwen's father, and now suddenly he wasn't. It was more than they could take in at the moment, especially considering the current circumstances.

"D-Does Gwen know, that she's adopted?" James asked managing to collect his thoughts first and break through the tense silence that had fallen over the group.

"Yes, we told her when she got her diagnosis," he sighed raggedly letting one of his hands run through his short graying hair. "She's still lucky that she doesn't have cancer."

All remained silent for the moment as the nurse silently handed other forms for Gwen's adoptive parents to sign. James crossed his arms, his entire body tensing as he looked to the broad doors that led to the room that his girlfriend was being operated on. His heart ached knowing that he couldn't be with her, and even more so at learning that her own mother had died from the very thing that had been slowly trying to kill her. He bit his lip and dragged a hand through his hair disheveling the dark brown locks as a feeling of helplessness draped over him.

"Her heart rate is fluctuating, someone stabilize her!" Dr. DeMarco ordered after he'd finally got the top layer of the seemingly mutant tumor from the teen girl's head.

The heart monitor showed that Gwen's heart rate was at 120 then quickly plummeted to 78 then rose back upward only to go back to slowing down in a way that wasn't at all comforting. No words came from her mouth as her body spasmed; they strapped her arms down to keep her from moving while they tried to get her heart to stabilize.

"She's about to flat line," a nurse worriedly yelped as he readied the paddles of the defibrillator.

"Wait, we can't use that one her while part of her brain is exposed," the doctor yelled and looked back to the monitor that said her heart rate was now at fifty six.

Luckily for the medical staff in the room, her heart beat steadied slowly progressing to the even 75 that it was before; a large gasp of air went into her lungs and the spasms that had once held her body captive ceased while her eyelids fluttered, but remained closed.

"That was close," Salvatore exhaled loudly in relief as the other around him in agreement. "Too close."

"Don't worry James, she's with people that can help her," Logan said as he put a comforting hand to the taller boy's shoulder. "She's gonna be alright."

"I know, I just… I wish that she didn't have to alone," the sandy haired boy replied his shoulders relaxing to the smallest degree. "I don't want to lose her."

"Hey, we all feel that way, but we've got to have faith that Dr. DeMarco can help her," the young genius had glanced over his shoulder to the rest of the group then looked back to the nervous boy standing next to him. "We're not gonna lose Gwen."

"I hope you're right," James sighed giving his friend a miserable look before walking over to one of the chairs and sat down.

"I hope so too," the brown eyed boy whispered to himself as he too sat down and took note of the tension still hanging thickly in the waiting room.

After the top layer of the tumor had been successfully removed, Salvatore was pleased to notice that the surgery was going to go much smoother. That disgusting compacted top layer gave him the creeps, and in the back part of his mind he almost felt as if it would spring forth and devour his face. He chastised himself silently for having such a ridiculous notion, but it wasn't hard to believe that the tumor was alive when he'd first cut away at it. But now, he was at the second and most critical layer that was attached to the healthy brain tissue underneath.

Before he could start to lift or cut away at the rest of the tumor, the young girl's body spasmed again while the heart monitor beeped loudly indicating that her heart was starting to fail. And her body temperature suddenly began to spike at an alarming rate.

"We have to shock her this time," one of the assistants yelped grabbing the defibrillator paddles and rubbed them together. "And get her temperature down."

Her mouth foamed and the spasms turned into a full seizure as her heart was suddenly fighting an unknown amount of stress she was facing, sweat rolled down her face as her body heat continuously rose. The medical staff in the room grabbed onto her shoulders and quickly strapped her down before a nurse readied a needle with a sedative to stop the spasms just as the monitor made a long continuous beep.

"Charge at 120!" the surgeon commanded as he covered her skull.

The young girl's body jolted with the charge that surged through her, but her heart still remained unmoving. The second charge, a flicker of movement in her fingers and the third got her heart starting back up again. A collective sigh of relief filled the room, her heart going at a steady pace and her breathing was calm and even. Salvatore DeMarco looked to his colleagues in the room, his face still etched with worry and his eyes were full of fear.

"Let's do this quick, I want more people on stand by to resuscitate her and stabilize her body temperature next time," he said managing to keep his voice even. "But let's hope that there won't be a next time."

All nodded in understanding and agreement, and the surgery continued. It wouldn't be much longer until his young patient would be tumor free and could go back to living a normal healthy life. There was still fear that another complication could arise and end the actress's life.

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_**Thanks for reading this chapter. Please leave a review, updates for this story, Monsters Underneath and Obsessed will come soon. xoxo**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN: **This is the finale chapter. Sorry it took so long to get posted. But I hope you all enjoy it!_

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The surgery had gone without any more problems, much to the delight of the medical staff in the room. The tumor had finally been completely removed from her brain, and Dr. DeMarco was pleased with the final outcome of the surgery especially with the fact that there were only two scares during the procedure. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief that she hadn't died, and as the staff wheeled her down from the OR back to her room; Salvatore smiled to himself knowing that his patient was now free to live a normal life again.

Gwen woke up slowly, her body felt heavy and as her eyes began to focus, she could make out the outlines of the people crowded around her bed as her parents and her four best friends. A faint smile drew itself to her face, a tired breath leaving her lips.

"Hey sweetheart, how're you feeling?" her adoptive father asked tenderly while taking hold of her hand, a tired smile on his face.

"Tired, but I'm really thirsty," she nodded her head, wincing at the dryness of her throat as a cup was quickly brought to her.

"I can drink on my own," she managed sitting up in the thin bed with some assistance from James who had been standing very closely by her side.

Before anyone could protest at her being too weak after having major surgery done, she took the cup from her father and drank from it slowly.

"That's better," sighed and moved to put the cup onto the standing tray next to her. "So what'd the doctor say?"

"The doctor says that in a few weeks you should be back to normal," Salvatore stated with a warm smile as he entered the room. "Two weeks and you can check out."

"Really?" her voice hopeful, her hazel eyes brightening at the news.

"Really, just take it easy for a while before you resume any normal activities," the doctor advised his tone light, yet serious.

"I promise doc," she grinned as the older man left the room.

"See, I told you, you'd be fine," Logan smiled as he stepped over to her and hugged her into him tightly.

"Looks like you do know everything," Gwen laughed easily for the first time in months. "I can't wait to go home."

Everyone in the room laughed and smiled freely with the young actress, all were more than happy at the success of the surgery. There would be no more doctor's visits, MRIs, Cat Scans, no more of that medicine that only made her feel sick. She was free to live her life the way she wanted, instead of having to count the days until the tumor that had been in her head would stop her from waking up to see another day.

"Guess you won't need that list anymore," Carlos chirped, a wide grin on his face that made the girl lying in the hospital bed laugh even harder.

"That's true, I'll just save it for later," she smiled wryly and leaned back against the pillows. "But, now I'm really tired."

At that, everyone gave their goodbyes and well wishes for the teen girl to recover quickly. James was the last to leave her side after making a promise to tell Katie that she was okay, then the sandy haired boy gave her a long tender kiss before leaving the room to join the others.

Gwen rested her head against her pillows, her smile wide as her eyes began to slowly close. She was more than happy; she was going to live for as long as she wanted.

The two weeks passed quickly much to Gwen's delight, she soon found out how much she hated being stuck in a hospital bed. Thankfully; today was her last day so as she finished getting dressed, a giddy feeling slowly began to bubble within her.

'_Going home, and I'll never have to be in another hospital again… I hope,' _she bit her lip as she zipped up the small duffle bag she'd brought with her. With a shake of her she pushed away the negative thought from her head and let out a heavy breath.

Now was a time that she should and could be positive.

"You ready to go?" a familiar voice questioned, puling the young girl from her clustered thoughts.

Gwen turned around and smiled at the brown eyed boy standing in the door way. "Of course I'm ready, let's blow this pop stand." She laughed as Logan rolled his eyes at her.

"Just grab your bag and let's go," a smile still stretching his lips despite himself. "James is probably annoying everyone with how excited he is about you coming home."

"I can hear Kendall yelling now," she chuckled, grabbing her bag and pulled the long strap over her shoulder. "We should hurry before he kills my boyfriend."

"Somehow, I think Jamie will be just fine," the dark haired boy winked at her and slung his arm over her shoulder as they walked down the sterile hall together.

"Alright, I'm off to set, I'll be back later," Gwen called out whilst exiting the apartment.

It had been a month since Gwen had returned from the hospital and the young actress seemed brighter than ever. She laughed easier and smiled wider in interviews and around the Palm Woods making the other residents of apartment 2J feel perfectly at ease. Things were finally normal.

"We should throw her a party," James said from the bathroom, he stepped out from the tiny room after finishing his hair.

"You know, that's a good idea, it's been a while since she's been to a party," Logan chimed in, Kendall and Carlos nodding in agreement.

"We should get the girls to help us set it up," the blond added already getting up from the couch to find his girlfriend.

"Yeah and we can invite everyone!" Carlos jumped off the sofa excitement already bubbling under his skin.

James grinned as the four of them began making plans for the party for the girl who might not have been able to take another breath. He knew that now he wouldn't have to worry about finding her cold and quiet in her bed, instead she was alive and in his arms. And as his best friends dashed out of their apartment, the brunette could only be happy and excited for the party to come.

"So what's this surprise that I can't have my eyes open for?" Gwen inquired while feeling the fabric of her blindfold. "And get dressed up for."

"You'll see and no peeking," Carlos said grabbing onto her hand while Kendall took the other.

"I better not have anything dumped on me," she huffed, a slight pout taking over her face. "…Or pushed off a cliff."

"You're not going to get dirty or thrown off a cliff," Kendall squeezed her hand, a smirk stretching his lips. "Just be patient."

"Easy for you to say blondie," she grumbled as they finally stopped walking. "Okay where are we? Can I take this stupid thing off now?"

"Yeah, geez so impatient," the blond rolled his eyes, his smile still on his face.

"This better be worth-" the words died on her tongue as her eyes panned over the elaborate decorations around her in the ballroom of the large 5 star hotel they stood in. "What?"

"Surprise!"

All of her friends from the Palm Woods jumped out from their hiding places, wide smiles on their faces. A large banner over all of them saying "Congratulations" in bold colorful letters. Tears came to her eyes as she looked around the large room; she hardly knew what to say.

"How-

"James planned the whole thing," Kendall said pulling her into a tight hug. "He thought you deserved your own party since, well you know… it's been a while."

Gwen laughed, wiping a few tears from her eyes to see the brunette they'd been talking about walking over to them. He smiled at her brightly while taking a gently hold of her hand to whisk her away from the two boys who'd brought her inside the hotel.

"Jamie, you didn't have to do this," she whispered and squeezed his hand tightly for emphasis. "But thank you."

"No, I had to do this, you deserve it and you're more than welcome," he leaned down to kiss her temple tenderly before everyone began dancing. Stepping away from her, he re-extended his hand to her. "May I have this dance?"

She took his extended hand with a roll of her hazel eyes, that wide smile still on her face. "Of course James."

He twirled her around the dance floor easily as the other guests danced around them, the teenaged girl could only dream of more dances with the boy who held her so tightly in his long arms never wanting to let her go. And she didn't want him to let her go any time soon.

"It's an honor to be here, and presenting this award to a friend is even more amazing. So without further a due," Jo Taylor took the envelope from her co-presenter, her brown eyes growing wide as she read the name of the winner. "And the Emmy for Best Actress goes to… Gwen Pressley,"

Gwen stood up from her seat giving James a tight hug and getting a kiss to her cheek from Logan before she made her way up to the large stage. The blonde actress gave her an even tighter hug before placing the trophy into her hands and whispering something into her ear. Tears formed in her eyes as the dark skinned girl stood in front of the podium clutching the gold award in her hands.

"I've always wanted to win one of these, and I never thought I'd be able to see the day. Two years ago, I thought I was going to die from a brain tumor, but thanks to Dr. Salvatore DeMarco; I'm alive and standing with all of you today," tears started streaming down her cheeks and she did her best to wipe them away, the diamond ring on her hand shining brightly under the stage lights. "I told myself not to cry, but I guess you guys are just going to have to deal. Anyway, I'm really grateful for this award and being alive to accept it. So I'd like to thank the doctor who saved my life and my best friends for being there with me every step of the way. Thank you all; I'm very honored to receive this."

Everyone in the large auditorium gave the young woman a standing ovation as she was guided off the stage while the blonde actress linked their arms together. The two of them softly talking to each other as the next presenters took the stage.

The two years after having the tumor in her brain removed, Gwendalyn's Bucket List had long since been complete and was still folded up neatly and always in her wallet. But there was still one thing on her list that remained uncrossed "Win an Emmy before I'm 21" and now when she re-took her seat, then pulled the crumbled notebook paper out of her clutch to cross the item off her list and fold the paper back into her wallet.

"You still have that list?" James whispered looking at her with a quirked brow.

"Yeah, there was something else I needed to cross off it," she smiled softly closing her clutch. "Looks like I'll be needing a new Bucket List."

"Hey, you won't be needing one of those for a very long time," he grinned at her easily draping his arm over her shoulders.

She smiled at her fiancé and kissed his cheek before leaning into him, everything in her life was perfect. Her life wasn't ticking away with every breath she took; there were no more trips to the doctor or having to swallow medication that only made her feel sick. Instead, she had her whole life ahead of her and she could do anything she chose to pursue, her eyes then went to the diamond engagement ring on her finger, causing a large grin to take over her expression knowing that the man who had his arm wrapped around her would be by her side, for the rest of her days.

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_**Now that's all folks. I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I did writing it. Anyway, Monsters Underneath will be updated as soon as possible. Please leave a review of your thoughts, comments, critiques and concerns. xoxo**_


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